A picture is worth a 1000 words, so we start our advice to men post with above picture. Studying above picture for 5 minutes will give you as much benefit as reading the whole of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, because you have most probably come here as a ‘victim of biased laws’, ‘harassed husband’, etc. etc. , and you are not a military general anyway; though one of these days one of them may also land up here! I deliberately edited out the woman’s butt so you don’t spend the 5 minutes looking there 
Update history
This is meant to be a mega-post / mega-article to be written in phases, and eventually it will be the main post on men’s rights having links to other posts on specific topics. Following is a history of updates for repeat visitors.
2-Oct-2014: Section Encyclopaedia of false cases and marriage breakups. Added this new section on typical patterns/incidents found in false cases/marriages heading for eventual breakup
26-Oct-2014: Added sections on how to deal with pressure to compromise by CAW cell/police/advocates/judges, Added section on taking stand of Innocent until proven guilty with links to full posts too
21-Nov-2014: Added sections on Bring back wife phase, RCR/legal notice phase, and some diagrams on legal approaches taken by men/their pitfalls. Also child custody related approach (diagrams only) yet.
03-Apr-2015: Added section on handling maintenance cases under CrPC 125, DV. Also a section on why filing divorce can be a useless exercise for most husbands.
Original post continues below…
So dear friends, this advice to men post is somewhat of a misnomer, since it is neither my lecture to anyone nor advice in the sense of prescriptive medicine; but more about sharing of my opinion and thoughts developed over many years having seen and discussed many cases with men, and from my own experience of the System.
What is this thing called the System, so often used by MRAs (Men’s Rights Activists). The system is the the whole of the web, the environment, the terrain, the network, or matrix so to speak for The Matrix fans; where the patni-peedit (husband harassed by wife) finds himself enmeshed once his wife threatens or actually goes legal on him. It is a whole combination of society’s attitudes, law courts, police, media, attitudes, conventional (lack of) wisdom which the man gets embroiled in.
Understanding your environment
So first we have to understand the System, or as the above image mentions — “Understanding your environment”. The above image is created by someone living in Western society, but the important points will probably apply anywhere to more or less degree.
“Wait a minute”, the impatient ones are asking by now. Where is the advice on how to get 498a FIR quashed? How do I save maintenance because my wife is actually working but she is lying in court that she is jobless? “You know, I didn’t take anything in dowry, in fact we spent most of the marriage expenses”. Have patience my friend, this post may seem like a mini-saga of sorts, but reading it from start to finish will pay dividends. The impatient ones can try one more google search about “maintenance denied judgment”, it’s not going to help.
What what are the main actors we have in the environment? White Knights, MRAs, MGTOWs. You can throw in a few more like beta males, Alpha Males, masculinists etc. We will keep discussing them in the post.
Once we understand the main actors in the environment, it gives a fresh perspective on understanding situations like the following:
- The judge understood that the case may be false, but still he gave high maintenance to wife. What else will a survivor white knight do?
- The police cops took my wife’s complaint even though there was all evidence against it. If you look at salaries they are paid and their working hours, the police are in truth the beta males in India, inspite of the image of being tough protectors of society. With corruption all around and pressures on them, it wouldn’t take long for any police person to be a little ‘aspirational’ so to speak, take a bribe to file complaint, and feel like a victor rather than a victim.
- We met the MPs and politicians, and they agree in private that the laws are being misused, but they don’t speak against them in parliament. In fact, they supported and voted for legislation like Irretrievable Breakdown of Marriage bill in parliament. Again, they are protecting and enhancing their alpha male (or alpha female) status by trying to show white knightery towards the females in society.
So friends, this framework is not about how to diagnose or complaint about a particular branch of government, police, lawyers, judiciary etc. but about understanding the motivations and psychology of individuals and how these affects rights of men. Any government department is run by individuals who come together in an organisation, and the organisation’s actions will not be very different or divergent from the motivations and psychology of the majority of individuals who run it.
E.g. I heard a case about some senior person in Army approaching an MRA, and saying that he always used to support the woman whenever there was a complaint against an army man by his wife, and now he is facing the situation that his daughter-in-law has filed complaint against his son! Well done sir, must have felt real great being a white knight to all the damsels in distress in the army. Welcome to 21st century and reality of life… it’s never too late to open your eyes and learn when your own son faces the music!
I didn’t even define what a white knight is, and if it’s not clear by now, he is like the protector of woman, the hero so to speak in some older Hindi movies, who will appear from nowhere to fight and ward off the attackers and molesters of the ‘heroine’; thereby winning her admiration and cementing his role in her eyes as her future protector, white knight, and whatever else.
Of course, no one is a white knight in all situations throughout, as our Army senior discovered a bit late in life; but men must understand that being a white knight is both a genetic programming hardwired into male species, as well as a cultural programming done to boys and men in all societies and cultures. Which is to evaluate a man’s worth by how much he can provide for and protect a woman, and beyond that women in general. When a 4 year old boy is admonished for crying “Don’t cry like a girl”, his cultural programming has started already since how can a man who himself cries be able to protect anyone else! One day he may be required to give his life for his family, tribe, village, city, country; so the programming begins at early age. Some MGTOWs and MRAs have termed it as emotional castration.
Don’t leave a soldier behind, leaving everyone else’s fine though
There is a kind of principle or ethos followed in militaries of the world: that if a soldier has fallen wounded or captured, you get him out of danger or get him out of captivity.
The above is a cultural or training artefact, not a normal human response. A normal human response would be to protect oneself first rather than endangering one’s own welfare or life for some unknown person. That exactly is the response of all the actors in the great game of women empowerment via false cases on husbands:
- The judge blindly gives some interim maintenance to wife though evidence points to her leaving the husband voluntarily rather than of any domestic violence as alleged. The judge is protecting own interest, which is to go with the fashion and flow of ‘women empowerment’ theme. Also, it is safe option too with no danger of some women’s NGO (or own wife) doing protest outside his home or in his court.
- The policeman or policewoman is also busy making hay while the sun shines. The other day got a call from a husband and family on the run from police in Koppal district of Karnataka due to 498a case, where the police senior being reminded of recent SC judgment against automatic arrest is said to have told him that “here there is no rule of SC, it is district police which rules here”.
Reason vs. Power, Logic vs. Coercion
So our great judges and police people believe in that as long as it doesn’t threaten and in fact enhances their well-being, it is alright to let someone else get misery. So whenever someone acts like that, they are not being reasonable in a normal social or ethical sense. They might be perfectly reasonable in a selfish sense though. The mighty policeman believes in might is right. The judge relies on almost guaranteed tenure till retirement and little chance of damage to career based on few appeals to higher courts which may overturn his judgement.
Logic and reason with such people will not work. Whether they are white knights or alpha kinds, they can be tackled with might or with tact as the situation demands. The mighty police can be brought to the ground by filing 1-2 RTIs. With recent SC judgment against automatic arrest in 498a and crimes less than 7 years punishment, police should or would learn in due course of time that threat of arbitrarily arresting or actually arresting someone is a game which made money for them while it did, but that game is going to be over soon.
For tackling the judiciary, the best course as of now is not really anything about procedure of courts or judicial mechanisms, but about spending time and energy improving yourselves in other parts of the game. A lot of this post will cover those things.
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Knowing yourself
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
from Chapter 3, The Art of War – Sun Tzu
Now we start on something more important than knowing the System, which is knowing yourself. The logically oriented among us may notice that Mr Sun Tzu wisely left out the possible combination where a person knows enemy but not knows oneself. I mean that would be absurd, like a chess grandmaster knowing all the opponent’s strengths and weaknesses, but not knowing own strengths and weaknesses! He (most grandmasters are men, and it’s not because of patriarchy!) wouldn’t have reached thus far and become a chess grandmaster if he didn’t know own strengths!
Unfortunately, I see still that many people fall into this trap of focussing too much on the wife/in-laws, and thinking about what counter case etc. they can file on them, blissfully being unaware that they don’t have any preparation or strength to follow up on it. They say in an unsure tone, “Right now she only has filed cases, if I also file a divorce case on her maybe they will also feel harassed”. Maybe, or maybe she could file one more maintenance case on you under HMA 24 apart from existing CrPC 125 or DV case. Then our man will call the MRAs again asking, “she is already getting maintenance in one case, can she ask for maintenance again”. Well, only if you had listened to our advice on not to file divorce!
Right vs. wrong, Expedient vs. Right
Question: Can you tell what is right from what is wrong, I mean in ethical or even common sense?
Probable Answer: Oh haan-ji, we are all descendants of a great civilization, we have the Geeta, Vedas, Upanishads and what not, we can teach the whole world on what’s right and what’s wrong.
Most likely Answer: What an asshole? I am facing a false 498a, DV case, I have old/sick parents to take care of; and he is asking about right and wrong. Of course I am innocent, I didn’t take a single Rupee in dowry. In fact when she left she took our jewellery also. I should search google for “professional honest good advocate for 498a” or “how to win maintenance case for husband” instead.
Well. Teaching the whole world can wait. And my question was not about whether you are innocent or not. It was about whether you know the difference between right and wrong. Most of the time, people are confusing what is expedient for what must be right. E.g. judge asked me to pay 12 lakh (or 10 lakh, whatever) to court to get anticipatory bail (AB), and I need bail, so it is right to pay 10 lakh. WRONG! It was only expedient. The System has already trapped you by your making that decision, and from here on it’s very difficult to avoid the slide downhill towards eventual financial ‘settlement’ to wife.
And if that species called good, professional, honest lawyer existed, you wouldn’t have been reading this post so far! We could have created a one page website called http://trusted498alawyers.com and sent everyone there instead of taking calls from fresh patni peedit ‘victims’ on Sunday mornings.
This part to be continued…
Encyclopaedia of false cases and marriage breakups
For all the ‘498a victims’, ‘harassed by wife’, ‘harassed by 498a’, ‘harassed victim of in-laws’, ‘victim of biased laws’ etc etc; I am now making public the information about most common patterns of these false cases. Previously I had shared a bit of this information within closed groups but I don’t see a reason why it can’t be in public domain. I don’t foresee IB or CBI doing a secret inquiry or someone filing PIL against this either. Maybe someone like Kapil Sibal would have deemed all this fit enough to be censored, but he is back into practising law rather than being a politician thanks to the drubbing Congress got in 2014 elections, so I sincerely hope he got the public’s message.
First of all a clarification that I never like to use the word ‘victim’ for any person suffering false cases and men’s rights issues; if I use the word ‘victim’ it is always in quotes. Some activists may give you better hearing if you are using words like ‘victim’ and ‘harassed’, I like to ‘help’ those with names and attitudes of the kind – ‘terminator’, ‘fighter’, ‘warrior’ etc. There are reasons behind avoiding word ‘victim’ which I will detail in another post sometime.
Common pattern seen in 80-90% of cases
- The issues like separate living by wife, unnecessary fights over almost non-issues, threat of legal cases, actual maintenance/DV case, or even 498a/406 case or happen within 1-2 years of marriage. The order and combination of above can vary. But one of them at the least will happen and even if no legal case is filed, at least the wife going and living separate in her parents’ house for more than few months, and maybe several times, will definitely happen. Take it as warning sign that marriage breakup is a high probability in future. DO NOT listen to anyone’s advice that having a child will help the relationship. Having a child will give them a weapon to later lay claim on your property and whatever else and public and society’s sympathy automatically shifts to the mother.
- The most common age group of men is between 28-32 years of age, or better way would be to take it as 1-2 years after usual marriage age in your region/state. So if men marry around 28-30 years in your state, expect most cases within 30-32 years in that state.
Phase 1: kick out his parents, train him to be a pet
This is the first phase of marriage for the wives on a mission. Yes, it’s a mission for them, like a proverbial vish-kanya they have been trained (or maybe lack of training whichever you prefer) to act as poison in a relationship.
For those couples where parents don’t stay with them due to life in different city, the mission is simpler which is to train the husband to be a slave. Below are the typical characteristics found. Note that this is applicable to 80% of cases we see, there will always exceptions especially in longer marriages which I will detail in another post sometime. Based on my assessment, longer marriage is anything more than 4 years with no major separate living in between. The patterns and incidents become much different in them. But for all shorter marriages of 1-2 (or even 3 years with long periods of separate living in between), below is a good indication of what to expect. It is completely routine stuff, YOU are not the only one!
The specifics of incidents or demands in initial 6 months to 2 years
Leave it to the imaginative minds of the self-loathing and the feminist types, because even when there are no issues in life they can dream about and create an issue almost out of thin air. It is all pre-planned with goals like the following:
- Cut-off husband from his parents and other relatives. Basically, he should subconsciously forget about his own parents and previous life and now start to think of wife and her parents as her own.
- Over a course of time, due to such constant bickering and negative behaviour, the husband will either learn the C-word called Compromise and adjust to the new reality, or if he tries to keep contact with his parents, then other techniques will be used. The most common one is that wife will find some excuse to go to her parents’ house and she won’t come back.
If parents and couple stay in same house
- If parents of husband are living in same house, then favourite modus operandi of 498a sisterhood will be to create some issue where there was none about, specifically about the mother. The usual demonization in Indian society of mother-in-law or saas also helps in all this process. This is what I like to call the acclimatization phase. In this phase, the husband and his parents are getting trained to accept the bahu/daughter-in-law with her warts and all, only they haven’t realized yet that it is going to be bahu with warts and warts only and nothing much else to look forward to
- Creating some trouble or ruckus about husband’s parents, but not so much that they feel totally alienated. They should feel harassed and uncomfortable staying in the same house, that’s the whole idea.
- Refusal or creating problems doing any housework, even when she is a HOUSEWIFE! Side note: “Hey, that’s insulting, we should call them homemakers”. Sure we will try to call them that when they start creating rather than destroying homes! And BTW, men who stay at home are also called househusbands. So calling women housewives is all about equality!
If husband and wife stay independently of parents
Here the main problem for the feminist club is that they don’t have the usual enemy number 1 called in-laws to complain about. And their main intention of the matriarch types always is not to alienate the husband immediately but train him over time to be like a pet dog and a loyal slave to the mistress.
- Since it becomes difficult to create an issue about husband’s parents when they are not living there, they have to resort to innovative ways to create issues. So it could be about some ceremony after marriage which has to be performed at either husband’s or wife’s house. One common technique is to try to create an issue about some imaginary oversight or imagined insult being meted out to wife’s parents by husband’s parents. Usually at such early state of marriage, the husband’s parents have no inkling about the nefarious intentions of their in-laws and they tend to acquiesce in how the situation proceeds in interest of keeping peace. Also, lot of people have this idea that marriage is between the couple and if they are happy together, then they should not worry about the relatives and in-laws. Boy that is wrong! The game has already begun.
- Another common technique is that if the mother of husband comes to stay with the couple for a few days, then create a huge issue out of nothing and complain to husband about his mother’s behaviour or what she said. The idea is to tell both husband and his mother that if the two of them are not under the same roof, it will be better for everyone! Usually the message is picked up rapidly by the mother/father of husband and they try not to visit them often.
- Within first 3-6 months of marriage, create some incident where the parents of wife get a chance to complain to the husband’s parents about whatever issue has been created.
- Basically, keep letting the husband know that the princess is NOT HAPPY YET! Depending on the subtlety or coarseness of husband’s in-laws, they also pitch in from time to time and don’t have any problem calling him directly and telling him about the issues their daughter is facing.
- Your in-laws will be almost encouraging their daughter to come back if she is having any issues.
- The wife will be having regular communication with her mother over mobile phones. It won’t be of the harmless type like how to cook so and so dish, but more of the kind to share the results of today’s battle against husband. Any coincidence that the false cases increased rapidly after year 2000 with rapid increase in both mobile communication and people’s incomes?
Phase 2: Usual rapprochement by husband and his family fail
1. A re-establishing of cordial relations, as between two countries.
2. The state of reconciliation or of cordial relations.
In simple English, this is the Bring back your wife phase. I especially like the fact that one of the definitions is also used for relations between countries. Often time, that’s exactly how husband-wife relations are reduced to, as if negotiations between countries are going on!
This is the most interesting ‘phase’ for married men who are married into feminist/matriarchal families. Since the marriage is new and possibly the man has at least some happy memories (check the honeymoon photos); even if wife has gone to mother’s (yes mother) place more than once, the husband and his parents/relatives keep hope that it is just teething troubles of a new marriage, and eventually things will sort out. They probably have seen such situations maybe few decades back how a wife was “brought back” and it used to work out more often that not. So especially the older generation takes it in a stride and is quite hopeful the daughter-in-law will eventually turn out to be a bahu-rani one day, and arrival of grand-kids are not too far either.
What really happens when the husband goes to wife’s place is one of the following things:
1. Sometimes he is not even allowed to call or communicate with the wife. So basically he is treated like a beggar for trying to re-establish communication with his own wife!
2. The wife’s party put conditions on him, tells him what are the wrong things he has been doing, insult or disrespect him in other ways; and our man tolerates all that because the elders behind him have given him the confidence that these are the teething troubles and will sort out.
3. Sometimes conditions are put like: “your parents have to stay separately”. “Take a rented house where you and wife can stay away from parents”. Usually such demands are considered harmless by the elders and samaj and so our husband takes a separate house and tries to live a happy life from thereon at least. Cho chweeeet…
4. At the very least, the husband is reminded that he has to keep his wife happy. The subtle undertone always is that as of now the wife is not happy. That is a fundamental and permanent feature/technique used by feminist/matriarchal husbands. He has always be made to think that wife is not (fully) happy, and to remind him of that simple techniques of wife leaving for her parents’ house are used, and at the extreme wife attempts suicide but gets saved, because the real intention is to disturb the husband rather than actually commit suicide. I will outline all these in a separate post on feminist/matriarchal families in India. Oh, they are so predictable!
Wife comes back, what next!
This reminds me of dialogue from movie Sholay, even though it there was no husband-wife involved in that.
Gabbar Singh (talking to his men who came back defeated): “Tumne kya socha tha, sardar bahut khush hoga, shabashi dega!”
That my friends, is the situation husbands too face. The dream of peaceful married life is not so easy to achieve, because just like Gabbar Singh in Sholay, the standards they (wife and her feminist brigade) want you to achieve to make them happy are almost impossible to achieve. See the picture below and try to see if you can live up to that standard. If yes, go ahead and live your ‘happily married’ life, and stop reading further. Else read on…
Phase 3: Legal notice, Section 9/RCR by husbands
This is the phase which arrives, usually within first 1-2 years of marriage, when wife has left for her parental home one too many times. Husband or his parents consult a lawyer, and the lawyer give the sage advice to send a legal notice to wife to come back, or even better, file a RCR (Restitution of Conjugal Rights) under Section 9 of Hindu Marriage Act.
Now that things are going into legal arena, let me introduce the heavily graphical/flow chart like depiction on the problems men face when things go legal in married life. I made it few years back for another initiative which didn’t take off, but the diagram looks as valid today as it was then, so here it goes:
Some of above are strongly supported with lot of data (like when wife leaves house and her parents support her), while others (like Strong possibility of saving marriage) is supported by limited data and not from callers to MRAs but from wider society.
The above diagram still covers the case when husband party initiates legal notice or RCR/Section 9 notice. They somehow think filing RCR will achieve one or more of the following:
1. Wife will come back
2. If wife doesn’t come back, we will at least save on maintenance if she files for it later. No one who files RCR says it openly, but I don’t see any reason why they would file it if this was not one of the reasons lawyer suggested or they thought of themselves based on a light bulb going on.
3. We will be seen to have done the required process to get her back. Which is right, but how does it matter really? Your neighbours will not read the newspaper tomorrow which will publish the breaking news that you had filed RCR on your wife. So their opinion of you is not going to change anyway.
4. Some other technical legal mumbo-jumbo which says that husband could get divorce if wife doesn’t join within 2 years of RCR decree. I don’t know of one single case where husband got divorce based on this mumbo-jumbo, but people want to believe such things so it will go on.
If RCR/Section 9 is so useless, why do so many people do it?
That is a crore rupees question. Really I mean. Because by filing RCR you engage a lawyer, then when the wife files legal, even criminal cases on you (see diagram above again, it’s all there), and then you approach the same lawyer again seeking his advice, only this time lot less confident and more worried. And the advocate says: “Don’t worry, we will file an objection”. And that my friend is how the crores of rupees are earned by lawyers, it all starts from a humble RCR. I don’t have a grudge against lawyers earning their livelihood, but for god’s sake let it be for something better than filing the RCR.
There is only one advantage of filing legal notice or RCR, and that is nothing to do with legal domain. When there is heavy uncertainty in life, by filing RCR that uncertainty of “whether wife wants to come back or not” is replaced by more well-defined uncertainties like follows:
1. Wife has asked for Rs 100,000 maintenance per month, but my salary is only 50,000
2. IPC 498a is filed. How to get anticipatory bail? OR will I still get arrested now that CrPC 41 guidelines are being enforced?
3. Wife’s DV petition says: “He is impotent”. It also says: “He sexually abused me”
That gentlemen and friends, is a sample of all that can happen when a simple legal notice was sent. If it got you out of the uncertainty of whether wife will live with you or not, it did it’s job. It certainly will do it’s job for your advocate
Phase 4: CAW cell, mediation, CrPC 125, DV, maybe even 498a or not just yet
Gentlemen and friends, in the beginning of every false case against husbands and their families, there is the familiar tactic used of pressurizing him to compromise, with twin techniques applied of fear of arrest/further cases, and ‘sincere advice’ of getting rid of bad marriage. Here we attempt to discuss the dreaded C-word called Compromise. It is a favourite word used by advocates, CAW cell, and judges too when we face false allegations of domestic violence, dowry harassment aka IPC 498a, IPC 406 aka keeping wife’s gifts/stridhan etc. etc.
Also read the Innocent until proven guilty is the law if you haven’t already since that sets the context for this post. I have written another post about compromise during 498a cases, you can read that too.
Regarding police/CAW putting pressure to compromise: The sad reality is many people who face these issues ACTUALLY do compromise in terms of ‘settling’ the case by paying money and getting the coveted so called ‘mutual divorce’ and buying peace. As long as that keeps happening, police/CAW/advocates will keep pushing the new cases into the compromise pipeline. Continue to full post about how to deal with the pressure of compromise put by CAW cell/police/lawyers/judges…
To be or not to be, to bring back wife or not; is the question
Even if the wife has filed a DV petition with standard template statements saying “I was not given food”, “I was locked in the bathroom”, our simple and gentle minded folks think that there is a chance to save the marriage. Right!
Hope lives forever! Or probably the simple reason is that for most Indians marriage is a once-in-a-lifetime thing, so the alternatives of two or more marriages as in the West where people keep experimenting throughout life about finding the right person does not seem like such a bright idea!
How to find that good, honest, professional lawyer
When married men are facing a persistent martial issue, at some point they decide that it is time to take advice from a lawyer.
Note: If you don’t already have a legal case but are fearing one soon, read this post to find out your probability of getting a false case filed on you.
Many people are under the impression that an advocate is a professional just like a doctor, and they trust that they will get the same good advice as they get from a doctor.
Nothing could be more endangering to your future than believing in this doctor-lawyer stuff. But people have actually told me this even after NOT getting good service from their advocate. Continue to read at the full post below.
Taking a stand, Dealing with CAW cell and so-called mediators
Situation: My wife filed a complaint in CAW cell, vanitha sahayvaani etc.; and now she is asking to come back. I want to write some conditions for her to sign on paper before coming back. What conditions should I write?
Attitude shift, not literal advice>>If I were you, I wouldn’t even go to this so called mediation in CAW cell or whatever else they call that drama. Thereby I will also do my bit of contribution to the environment by using one less piece of paper.
I marked above sentence with words “attitude shift” so this is not meant as something one should literally do in these situations. This was done based on advice of an MRA. If I delete it completely, then this post could very well become another one of those do’s and don’ts to safeguard yourselves kinds of things. The whole point I want to try to convey from time to time is: “Trying to safeguard yourselves from each small uncertainty in life could endanger your well-being even more”.
Otherwise the whole conversation with a new caller can usually go like this. If I do that, what if she does that? Then what do you suggest? Then if I do that then it is possible they may do xyz, what do you suggest I should do in that case? After 10-20 questions like this, the person is back to the original question from where he started! They are trying to handle a life situation like learning how to prepare and pass an exam with objective type questions. If you know the answers, just check the box and you will be done at the end of it! No, it is not an objective type exam or a set of steps to take to safeguard yourselves. You can approach supreme court lawyers and even they won’t be able to tell you anything more than the C-word (check it up, it’s already mentioned in post). But you may have the satisfaction of having got good advice because many thousands were spent to get it. Many people don’t appreciate or trust any advice they get for free. They will definitely find someone who knows how to sell the same advice in an expensive package
What do I mean by taking a stand? Taking a stand is NOT adopting a tactic, like some third (or even first) rate advocate says that you should always say in front of mediator that you are willing to take her back even if she has filed 498a on you. That is not taking a stand, that is adopting a tactic; hoping that the System of which the advocates and mediators are a big part will have your interest in mind, ignoring the fact that they being human beings would try to maximize their own self-interest especially if the condition of your being ignorant of how the System works makes this job almost easy and without putting any pressure on their conscience. Later on, you can roam around from one court to another trying to explain why you should be considered innocent when it is YOU who are willing to take her back even though SHE has filed criminal case on you.
Below picture shows what we DON’T mean by taking a stand. If your taking a stand is of the nature below, well, then good luck.
Innocent until proven guilty
One of the simplest and best stands possible is defined as a simple principle of law itself, so it’s not even that we are inventing something complex here. It’s called: Innocent until proven guilty.
Many of accused men (and families) under IPC 498a/406/376/DV Act seem to think that the principle of innocent until proven guilty doesn’t apply to them! What else is the reason that they try so hard to prove innocence to police, CAW, or even own advocates when facing false allegations by the wife and gang? Why can’t we just keep quiet and let the law take it’s own course? Read the full post on Innocent until proven guilty at link below.
http://menrightsindia.net/2014/10/innocent-until-proven-guilty-is-the-law-use-it.html
The joys of feminism, and the law of broken marriages
100% of the callers to MRAs have the type of in-laws where the mother is the dominant person in the household. In other words, it is a feminist-ruled or matriarch ruled family. I said 100%, not 99.9%. Well actually once or twice I have seen somewhat different situations but they are extremely rare and don’t fall in the realm of men’s rights violations but more into unfortunate situations of life. So when it comes to men’s rights violations, it can be safely said that 100% of calls are from men who married into a feminist family. How’s that about understanding your environment.
By now, it should be clear that I am not a fan of feminism. Let me go further. I believe that patriarchy is the right model for family and social organisation at least at this stage of human evolution. That’s taking a stand. I am willing to defend my stand, debate on national TV if need be, or write articles on it.
The law of broken marriages
A marriage in India will break once the woman/wife/ her parents have so much as threatened to file a case, or mentioned the word police, or indulged in unusually insulting behaviour towards husband’s parents (insulting husband is anyway routine for them). The marriage will also eventually break if the wife has indulged in behaviour like walking out of husband’s house without rhyme or reason several times.
There are many signals and warnings given by the feminist/matriarchal families and many a time even before marriage, but we fail to notice them as warnings since we are more focused on how to make things work, rather than how to destroy them. Understanding and decoding the feminist/matriarchal families has been done, but I have yet to write it down. In the meantime, read this post which gives the clear behaviours and warnings exhibited by such wives and their families and whether you can face a false case.
How I got freedom by depositing money in court
To be written…
In the meantime enjoy one more of diagrams below about mistakes done by men in their legal approaches:
498a compromise: bring back 498a wife
Don’t even attempt it in your dreams. If you do, then at least have some self-respect and deal with it yourselves whatever happens later, and don’t waste time of MRAs by calling them to save or ‘help’ you.
498a compromise: settle financially, ‘move on’, get ‘mutual’ divorce
Ah… that’s the favourite part of every 498a case for the DV/498a industry, and a dream come true for the sisterhood of 498a wives’ club. I already have a full post on it, read it here. No, it doesn’t give any ‘advice’ whether you should or should not do a financial settlement. That’s up to you, and that’s what I mean by taking a stand. Some men know how to take a stand, some don’t. Many of the compromiser types face the same problems in their 2nd marriage, only much worse, and when they call me my first question to them is, “Being a veteran of two marriages, shouldn’t you be the one advising others rather than asking for advice” But I have already decided I will stop taking calls from such two marriage waalas. They can approach their nearest weekly meeting, at least a little padyatra will do some good to them.
Handling maintenance cases under CrPC 125, DV Act, HMA 24
To handle maintenance cases under CrPC 125, DV Act, or even HMA 24 is one of the major headaches faced by husbands. Nothing raises the anger and frustration levels up in men as much as coming to the realization that not only the husband has to deal with an uncooperative, abusive, cruel wife and her machinations, but as per law, she can ask for her maintenance while the cases are going on in court!
Many of these wives rarely file for divorce in the beginning at least. They don’t need to actually. “Why reduce the chance of a fat alimony by looking like the one who has filed for divorce?” Instead start to file cases one by one: CrPC 125, 498A, or DV Act. Or make it a slow torture for husband by filing multiple maintenance cases like CrPC 125, then DV Act. I even know of one husband who is paying maintenance under 3 different sections: CrPC 125, DV Act, HMA 24. One must ask what are the ‘learned’ lawyers of husbands doing if they allow maintenance amount to be awarded in 3 different cases? It is because of getting trapped in high interim maintenance, and running around courts for many years, that many husbands ultimately give up and go for one time ‘settlement’ with mutual divorce, which is the preferred way of the divorce industry of ending matrimonial litigation. The interests of divorce industry are inimical to interests of husbands, and aligned with interests of wives.
There are many posts on this site about how to fight maintenance cases, useful judgments about denying maintenance, and so on. For the purpose of educating men (yes, it’s like an education) on how to deny or reduce maintenance, I have recently published a book on the topic which is available as a eBook readable on all computers and mobile devices. I hope it will be of some use to men who have to face maintenance and other cases. Click below to know more.
The joy of not filing divorce
Many men ask the question that now that they have realized that they have been trapped by wife and in-laws into a sham marriage the whole purpose of which was to extort money and property from husband, isn’t it better to file for divorce and get rid of the problem once and for all?
Very true. But there are no real pearls of wisdom in above question. Of course, given a choice, everyone wants to move away from unpleasant or cruel situations in life. The whole question is how to do it without giving up Rs 50 lakh in ‘settlement’, or a property worth 1.5 crore to wife. If it was a case that a marriage slowly degenerated into loveless and lifeless affair over a period of 5, maybe 10 years, and both husband and wife made a conscious decision to separate, that would be a situation where the above question can be asked more appropriately.
The real answer men trapped by feminist/matriarchal women and in-laws want to know is: How to get the divorce without paying a penny?
They don’t want to pay a penny because they don’t believe they are at fault, and mostly it’s true for the cases we hear. In fact, it’s an ‘engineered’ game by wife and in-laws to make husband so frustrated that he agrees to pay up and get his freedom. So there is nothing morally wrong with above question either.
Anyone who ‘cracks’ an answer to above question can become a crorepati in very short time. Unfortunately for them, on the other side, there are divorce industry lawyers who are busy putting fresh cases by wives daily on the conveyor belt of CAW Cell, DV, CrPC 125, 498A/406 etc. The conveyor belt takes the raw materials, processes them, and at the end of anywhere from few months to few years, produces the end results of production: divorce, fat settlement for wife, impoverished (hopefully free at last) husband, sole custody of children with woman etc. They are asking the question daily: How to get my client a fat settlement using the women protection laws?
So there is no real solution to get freedom in short time, without paying much. The fastest cases I have seen for husbands who didn’t pay took 2-3 years or so at least. But their situations and techniques may not work for everyone, because they gave a good fight to wife/in-laws, whereas most want to get rid of things without fighting much.
Why most husbands should not to file for divorce?
For the following reasons:
1. Most men who are filing for divorce didn’t collect any real evidence of cruelty. Many had the opportunity but still they didn’t consider it necessary at the time. They will basically get processed within the court system from anywhere from 3-6 years, and at the end the court may say that there is “no evidence of cruelty”.
2. Men are unprepared for handling the cases filed by wife. Either their lawyers don’t inform them of cases the wife can file, or they many ignore it taking it lightly.
3. After filing divorce, if the end result is same that one paid lot of money to get the divorce, then how did the divorce petition help? It only resulted in one more case, running around courts with hopes, more legal fees, and so on. Instead if the husband had tried to fight the maintenance cases well and reduced maintenance paid to wife, she would have realized after few years the futility of her false cases, and agreed to a low or zero settlement divorce.
4. Some men have read on internet about some judgments that court ordered a divorce to a husband based on a false 498A by wife. They immediately latch on to the idea, and file divorce after wife’s 498A, hoping those judgments will give them their divorce. I have already explained in my posts on this site about various such judgments, that most 498A acquittal judgments DO NOT mention it to be a false case. The court order only mentions the reason of acquittal to be lack of evidence. That piece of paper will not get anyone divorce anywhere. So again, filing divorce case merely because of 498A is only adding to enrichment of divorce lawyers. If one gets a judgment in 498A of it being false and malicious case, then of course one can file divorce based on that. That happens rarely because the white knights will lose their mojo, and divorce industry will lose it’s bread and butter, if 498A judgments mentioned them to be false and malicious cases routinely.
What if you still want to file divorce?
You can read another post of mine on why Indian men should be very careful before filing divorce. If that has not dissuaded you, maybe the best course of action would be to do some study of your own in understanding the process of divorce, key judgments, strength/weakness of your evidence/case etc. The only reason an Indian husband should file divorce is if he is convinced that handling multiple cases like his own filed divorce case, maintenance (HMA 24) filed by wife; and most likely other cases like DV Act, IPC 498a/406 filed by wife — will be much better than living in uncertainty and torture of wife.
To tackle such issues and reduce time and effort of MRAs getting diverted into these issues, I have written the book on topic of divorce for men. It contains more than 70 judgments on topics of divorce due to cruelty, desertion, adultery, false cases by wife, wife’s adultery, annulment etc. The best way to approach this book is as a self-study guide (so basically I can wash my hands off 🙂 ). Read the judgments (including my summary, and commentary), and make own conclusions about strength/weakness of your evidence, case (if already filed), and what to expect down the line. It is available as an online eBook below (Note: available in digital Kindle format only, not as printed book, not as PDF file):
Book: Guide for Men on Divorce, Cruelty, Desertion, Annulment
To know how to purchase and read on Kindle, go to end of this post and read.
Child custody and visitation
Even though most men who contact MRAs don’t have children, my consistent experience is that even those who are fathers think of child as part of the package called wife and child(ren), and when the wife goes they believe the child also goes with her! The root cause is not really lack of love for their children, but a curious offshoot of the overall phenomenon of gynocentric masculinity which I will write about sometime too. With that core belief and mindset, giving any kind of advice about child custody or visitation is futile. For those who don’t fall into that category, below diagrams can be of some help. The advice below will go against all conventional advice by society, by advocates etc, but they are your children before anything else, so you be the judge.
M. Chandra Sekhar says
April 22, 2018 at 8:01 pmdear videvji, You are doing a great a job by extending a helping hand to many law ignorant men like me.
i need your advice in my son’s case. My son is a hearing handicapped person (defect over 90% and he cannot speak clearly and he understands only English to some extent) a BCA graduate working as a data entry operator in a private company drawing less than Rs 10,000 pm. He was married in Nov 2016 to a hearing handicapped girl about ten years younger in age who stopped her studies after passing tenth class. The first night was not consummated perhaps both were ignorant. After one month of marriage my son got chicken pox and it took nearly two months for him to get cured and his wife was away at her patents house due to my son.s sickness. After she returned home, she started started non cooperation in the house, will not do any house hold chores, started telling us that she did not like her husband as he is not doing sex. When asked my son tells us that she told him not to touch her as she is in love with some one else. A series of counselling sessions were attended and ultimately she left the house in October 2017. Now they have approached a lady lawyer to file a case against us alleging that he is impotent and she has been cheated and underwent mental harassment. The lawyer called me for discussions telling me that she would arrange for a mutually agreed divorce. I contacted a lawyer who advices that we should file a divorce petition immediately otherwise they may file domestic violence and other cases against us
I am pensioner and has own flat purchased out of my own funds and still bank loan for purchase of property persists. Kindly guide me. with regards – M. Chandra sekhar Bangalore.
videv says
June 23, 2018 at 7:12 pm>> I contacted a lawyer who advices that we should file a divorce petition immediately otherwise they may file domestic violence and other cases against us
That lawyer wants to ensure his divorce case fees, more than anything else! In fact, filing divorce on such wife is sure shot way to face false cases as a retaliation and deflection from her own faults!
She has no legal claims on your property save a residence order under DV Act, which such women rarely resort too, since they are in it for the cash maintenance, and don’t really want to stay in husband/in-laws house.
If you have a written allegation of impotence, then that itself can be ground of mental cruelty to get divorce. But it is outside of our scope. At most, I can suggest this book as a self-study guide:
Guide for Men on Divorce, Cruelty, Desertion, Annulment(only in Kindle Edition)
Sidhdharth says
September 26, 2017 at 1:51 amhi videv,
You are doing really a great job.
its 2 years and 8 months of my marriage. before 2 months my wife is gone to her parents. We don’t have a child.
just after 6month of marriage everything “Nakhras of a wife” started to leave separate and all that.
and this time I am sure, we will be separated cause she left more than 4-5 times my home we always we bring back. She many time insulted me and give warnings if I will tell her to do anything then she will dring poison and send me and my family to prison for a lifetime.
I have recorded a conversation with her family members who were teaching her to do so.
does this recorded conversation evidence will help me if she files a case in court?
and I have 1 more problem I own a Flat by my name and that is purchased by my father with his money.
Can she ask for a share in that?
videv says
September 30, 2017 at 4:54 pmEvidence can be used.
Your father is the actual owner though it can be said to have been gifted by him to you. She can even ask for share in your father’s property, ultimately it’s only desperation to settle that matters, nothing else.
Daku says
March 25, 2017 at 12:43 amAwesome work!!
Really great work done on these blogs. I am very sure many grateful men gained a lot here. I really wish Mr. videv is doing great and enjoying his life… well whatever that may be, given that he appears to be principled cynic! 😉
videv says
March 27, 2017 at 12:03 pmhe he… the author is enjoying his life just fine and also happy that people from all walks of life and even some women (for some, that is litmus test… for ‘principled cynic’ it’s a boring detail) come to MRI site to read and open up their ‘gyan chakshu’. Let the river keep flowing and people quench their thirst.
Nancy says
October 7, 2016 at 1:43 pmSir, my bro, 28 yrs old, BE diploma in management working at a reputed IT company for the past 2 years with a take home salary of 50k married a girl, 28 yrs old with BE MBA degree working for an IT company for d past 8 months with a take home salary of 40k. Dey ve been married for 1 year. D girl is a type 1 diabetic (since 4yrs of age). Her sugars are not under control. My parents didn’t demand ne dowry from dem. My bro had an education loan in his name n my parents settled it. Wen dey came to knw dat d girl also has an education loan in her name, dey requested her parents to settle it for which dey readily agreed. But d girls loan hasnt been paid till date. Wen questioned twice initially (4months after marriage), her dad scolded my parents and since den day topic was not discussed. Her parents stay in Bangalore and my parents stay in Madurai, TN while my bro n his wife lived in Chennai in a house owned by my parents. My sis in law wanted to move into a bigger house at first and den asked my bro to relocate to Bangalore to be closer to her family. Since my bro didn’t agree, she threatened to kill herself and blame my bro for it. Finally since nothing worked out, she lodged a false complaint inbd police station against my bro and my family of physical and mental harassment. D issue was settled in d police station and though she initially returned to my bros home to stay together, she left him after 3 days n is now staying wid her parents in Bangalore. She wanted my bro to give in to her demands n since my bro was not willing to do dat, she has lodged a case asking for maintenance for her. Dey r not divorced yet. Dey do not ve kids. So my question is
1)since her earnings and her educational qualification is equal to my bro, shud he pay for maintenance?
2)since she’s always been a diabetic, shud he pay for her medical expenses (medicines etc) as she claims?
3)since her parents had agreed to pay her education loan before marriage and my parents asking abt it (twice 4 months after marriage) amount to dowry harassment?
4) she’s been torturing my bro dat she will never let him or my family live happily by stating dat she will ask for his share of property which my dad is will for him(its my dad’s house bought wid my dad’s earnings and is still in my dad’s name only). So in d event of my dad giving d house to my bro in d future, will she have ne control over my bros share?
5)she wants a huge lumpsum amount to be settled. Her dad is still earning around 60k PM and she’s earning around 40k PM. She has a bro in 12 th std. Dey ve loads of property in Bangalore . on d other hand, my dad is retired wid a pension of 15k but no dependents other than my mom. Dey r dependent on my bro for their expenses. My sis in law is threatening to file a dowry harassment case of V don’t agree to settle her. Wat should V do?
videv says
October 8, 2016 at 3:49 pmAnswer to questions:
1. No. Give no maintenance to parasitic wives who earn well but want to extract money from husband/in-laws.
2. No. She is working and earning so able to spend for her own medical expenses.
3. No. Entirely their problem. Read dowry/stridhan articles on this site.
4. No. Self acquired property of father, he can give or will it to anyone.
5. You have to decide what to do. Ask brother to join our facebook group (see top right), we support those who want to fight, those who want to settle out of fear or whatever please excuse us.
maxwell joseph says
June 13, 2016 at 1:58 amMy Wife’s sister’s husband wants to file for divorce, since he is in a relationship with an other woman who also has a kid from a different man. She ( Wife’s sister) has 2 kids 1 girl (6 yrs) and 1 boy 12 yrs . He and his family been harassing her for almost 2 years now for the divorce. He has also committed un-natural sex under IPC 377 to her for which she has proof. His parents are supporting him as well. If they file for divorce against her.
Can she file a case adding these clauses – 1. PC 406A (recovery of stridhan 2.IPC 377 (unnatural sex) 3.CrPC 125 and ask for monthly maintenance 4. IPC 498A
As his family has a history of doing this kind of offense, citing that his brother also did the same to his 1st wife
Would seek your advice and your help to save a family and 2 kids
videv says
June 13, 2016 at 9:21 amWe didn’t start this site to advise women on which criminal cases to file on husband. Criminal cases should be filed to get criminal justice, not civil relief. IPC 406 is probably exception for genuine cases (which I don’t trust there are many in urban areas at least from what I have seen, it’s gross misuse of IPC 406 which is happening). Most lawyers and System including judiciary misses this point, and are blatantly using criminal law to give relief to women (e.g. in Bihar they give maintenance under IPC 498A bail condition)… If you do file criminal cases to get reliefs, and face difficulties later, only you yourselves have to be blamed.
For husband to get divorce, he will have to prove wife’s cruelty, which is quite a difficult matter, so no need to worry about divorce being filed. It can be contested at that time.
>> He has also committed un-natural sex under IPC 377 to her for which she has proof.
Maybe women should try to stop un-natural sex if they dont’ want it, rather than collecting proofs; because that shows the intention is different.
>>As his family has a history of doing this kind of offense, citing that his brother also did the same to his 1st wife
History doesn’t matter in criminal matters… Each criminal case will be tried based on its own evidence. And it’s another individual altogether of the same family, so that emotional logic may work in social conversation, it has zero value in courts.
>>Would seek your advice and your help to save a family and 2 kids
How exactly will family and 2 kids be saved by filing IPC 377, 498A etc? because filing such cases will not correct a person’s behaviour, it can punish him which might be useful if you want to set an example for others in society, but that’s about it. … stridhan recovery IPC 406 is probably only valid if woman’s valuables are being withheld from her. Maintenance cases logically become applicable only if there are not enough funds (that doesn’t include a world tour for family) for basic running of household, education of children etc. Most women who file maintenance asking for extravagant amounts citing inflated income of husband are in for a rude shock later, when they get a basic/reasonable maintenance but not a route to enrichment or easy/lazy living at husband’s expense.
Amit Jalan says
June 10, 2016 at 11:41 amHi!
Looks like I am an exception here. My wife was trying to intimidate me. In March, she called police on grounds of violence when I decided to involve her parents to our household issues. I insisted with the police to take her for medical check-up. The wife got scared and didn’t file the complaint. The next day I filed a complaint for criminal intimidation and defamation. In April, I filed for Judicial separation. One hearing is done with both parties present. After the first hearing she decided to file 498A against me. I haven’t seen the complaint or the FIR yet. My FIL is regularly calling the I/O and requesting to reconcile the matter and force me to take my civil case back. I am told she has also said I demanded 50 lacs from her hence the case.
What I did. I filed a complaint in PS for intimidation and defamation. I got CCTVs installed in my house in early May. I informed my FIL about the case. Her brother called me up on 8th May which I recorded. Her brother and bro-in-law visited me at office to discuss this matter which I recorded. My FIL called my sister twice on 30th May. The following were the gist of the conversation which we recorded:
1. My FIL said if I don’t take my case back, they will take action against me;
2. My father accepted that my wife once threw away my mother from home and insulted her many times.
3. My FIL requested my sister to give my wife another chance
4. My wife told my FIL who in turn told my sister that even in this situation, I want to make physical relationship with my wife. In the complaint filed with police, my wife says I am medically unfit and that is why we do not have any child.
5. My wife asked specifically whether any dowry demand was raised, he specifically denied dowry demand from our side and also said that this is not an issue.
6. My FIL himself admitted that my wife is very short tempered
7. My FIL said he has a lot of respect for my sister and 3 days later, my wife filed a 498A case against my sister.
8. My FIL was indirectly threatening that despite her daughter’s improvements, if I am not taking my case back, they will do everything possible to counter my case
9. My FIL told my sister Manojji (my employer) called him 4-5 years ago and told him that I have beaten my wife physically. In reality, it was my FIL who beat my wife that day. I am using this as a ground for defamation
10. My FIL have made several charges against me but dowry demand was not one of them. He said I was in touch with my ex-wife, he said I was violent and I sexually abused my wife but dowry demand was not even mentioned. Now a 498A is filed after 3 days of this conversation saying I demanded Rs 50 lacs from them through my wife
11. My sister said that when my wife threw my mother out of house and my FIL had beaten her as punishment, she asked my mother not to allow anyone to beat her even if it is her father. He agreed and also said he supported us that day.
Currently my FIL is calling up I/O regularly, crying over phone and asking the I/O to reconcile the matter. I have all the recordings of the conversations between me and the I/O
I am soon going to file for criminal Intimidation and also criminal defamation. I have several grounds that I have also mentioned in my Judicial separation.
What would be your advice to me?
Best regards,
Amit
videv says
June 10, 2016 at 1:14 pmThe exception is that you were able to file something criminal (intimidation and defamation) against wife etc, which almost no one is able to do, at least at the level of police.
>> He said I was in touch with my ex-wife,
Not mentioned explicitly, but maybe your past marriage had similar issues?
If you are clear about getting judicial separation, and filing criminal cases on wife (as justified based on evidence), then there is nothing more to advice really. Hopefully, they will see the light one day (and not insist on fat alimony) but it needs lot of patience. For more, you can join the facebook group
sathya dharma says
April 30, 2016 at 4:34 pmHi thanks a lot for this website which gives some light at the end of tunnel . My brief story . Married man 28 yrs old, no kids, wife left 5 months back . no communication between us. this has occurred many times she doesn’t come back home. Every time I go to her house get insulted and get her back . now I don’t want to continue. Faced hell with few months of stay with her. My parents stay separate . she insulted us to the core hence I slapped her once . will slapping a wife only once amounts to domestic violence. She has asked me to prove my manhood and my sanity in a personal letter. I do not have any such problem which she has mentioned. Can her letter be of added value to me on the grounds that she has caused enough distress to me and my family. Mother in law is an ogress.
will one year of separation be good time period for me to initiate . I have not taken any legal course of actions yet . please advice
videv says
May 2, 2016 at 6:04 pm>>will one year of separation be good time period for me to initiate . I have not taken any legal course of actions yet .
read this, and make own decision:
menrightsindia.net/2015/01/why-indian-men-should-be-very-careful-in-filing-divorce.html
sathya dharma says
May 14, 2016 at 3:14 pmSir will one time slapping of wife amounts to domestic violence . can she take this as serious offense /
videv says
May 17, 2016 at 9:08 amI think applying common sense is more beneficial before applying law… Anyone slapping anyone else in home can fit into DV easily, but the overall circumstances have to be taken into account. If your wife says you are hijra/impotent, or your mother is a prostitue; then it’s very different from the case that you came home from work one day and slapped her for no apparent reason.
>>can she take this as serious offense
offences are well defined in IPC, and DV is mostly a mostly quasi civil with some quasi criminal element on repeat violence. An offence has to be seen in context, otherwise one can as well file IPC 307 attempt to murder on you because he/she ‘took that as serious offence’. All that feminist propagated idea of how a woman felt about something has to be thrown into dustbin, unless evidence also matches up.
Sathya dharma says
May 16, 2016 at 7:21 pmSir thank you but how to break this stalemate , if even they are not initiating and men due to absurd legal system are unable to initiate then what is the solution. How long to waste ones life like this. Pls advice at what stage is good to proceed .should I wait for another year and proceed desertion case against her will that be a god move.pls advice
videv says
May 17, 2016 at 9:20 am>> then what is the solution. How long to waste ones life like this.
There may not be any clear solution… if you are wasting life why not file divorce and make something out of it? Maybe because that takes effort and dealing with uncertainty, and the MRAs have the job to avoid that for everyone?
Did you read even 3 judgments on desertion? Basically many want the ‘divorce solution’, also don’t want to pay alimony, and keep and of course damn the absurd laws… as if the laws came from heavens. If divorce was made too easy, won’t it create bigger problems in society and some (both women and men) will misuse the law? And actually it will harm men even more — just see the situation of Western men because of no-fault divorce laws!
Men have to realize they are on their own in current regime of laws, and laws were created mostly by men only, so don’t look to blame elsewhere, or find some easy solutions. They don’t exist.
false498avictim says
April 25, 2016 at 11:36 amDear Sir,….
I am victim of false 498a case. My wife
registered a false 498a case (dowry case) against me and my parents. he has 3 sisters namely…. My wife and her parents are fraud, cheaters and liers. I came to know about this after marriage. She just stayed in our house only for 6 days and planned all this before marriage itself. She also wanted to sell our gold items during her stay. Once she left our house they started demanding money from us. When we said we don’t have money, they told that they
will put false dowry case on me and my parents. Everybody knows that 498a is false in 95% case then why does Indian law still continuing with this section? All 498a wifes are using this to harrass innocent husbands and blackmail them to get money. This is mainly used as money making tool. Why Indian gov is not looking
into this section and amending the law?
videv says
April 27, 2016 at 12:44 pm>>Why Indian gov is not looking into this section and amending the law?
Because it takes huge effort to amend or scrap a law, women empowerment (‘some’ false cases, so what? is the logic) is the trend, by nature people are white knights to women (and ‘punish the bastard man’ mindset),and moreover most affected people want to move on with their life rather than spending even 1% of free time on men’s rights activism.
Kumar says
April 14, 2016 at 5:28 pmSir,
I got married in June 2014. My wife is working in a bank and I am working in a PSU. Since our engagement they are trying to dominate us in every aspect and in all matters. My father in law is henpecked to his my mother in law and she controls the total family. Initially, my wife was working in Kerala and after marriage she got transfer to Hyderabad on spouse factor after two months of our marrriage. But they internally talked with bank management and took transfer to her hometown and there she stayed for another 3 months. In November 2014, she got transfer to Hyderabad and stayed with me till March, 2015 and then she went away to her hometown with her parents (without my permission) after quarreling with my parents and didn’t returned till now.She was pregnant during Mrach 2015 and she delivered a girl child now. In this month, she filed a false complaint(like we are harassing her for dowry and we are unhappy as she delivered a girl child) against me and my family members. During her stay with me, she was always demanding and used to threaten me that she will committ suicide if not agreed to her demands. Her parents threaten me and my family in the name of police complaints if not agreed to their demands. My wife is demanding that she will not stay with my parents and should not give them money for living. My parents are very old,ill and not working. My wife’s family used this same strategy to her bigger brother in law family and now he is henpecked to her elder daughter. Pls suggest me what to do.
videv says
April 15, 2016 at 2:03 pm>>used this same strategy to her bigger brother in law family and now he is henpecked to her elder daughter. Pls suggest me what to do.
If you don’t want to go the henpecked husband route, then some sacrifices are in order. It’s difficult to suggest what to do, since getting a marriage on track is very difficult with such wife, filing divorce is useless without good evidence of cruelty, and having a child means more responsibility for husband, and more sympathy for wife. People who advise on having child to ‘cure’ marital issues are totally ignorant.
You can join groups for further guidance.
karthik says
March 20, 2016 at 5:36 pmHi vaidev,
I am writing this letter for My Elder brother.
Five years ago they got married. Until now they don t have children. Last year we took medical test and result came tat my brother sperm count is nil. But their family came to know this info. three months ago and they want to separate her from us. Hence, my sister in law wants settlement from us. She went to her cousin marriage three months ago and didn t come back later then.. She took some jewels from us for her cousin marriage. When we went to took her back they abused us and asked settlement and she will leave us permanently. If we fails we were threatened to false 498a. Then we came back to our home town we seek lawyer advice. Lawyer send a legal notice via court to her to come back to live. Before they get summon they went to ladies police station at madurai and gave false complaint against my Parents and brothers charging as sexual harassment and threatening to murder her. From police station they called us for investigation. we went with our lawyer. He explained that
we send
a legal notice from court. But from police station we were called repeatedly. They have to come for vaidha on 24th Mar 2016. Their lawyer is asking 10 lakhs as settlement. My brother is not very good earning person (daily wages). We are living in Paramakudi – Ramnathapuram district – Tamil nadu. My father has one own house in Chennai. They are eyeing on this property. Our lawyer suggested us to take anticipatory bail for my brother and parents. Currently I am living in Muscat. My parents and brother is not much educated. We are going through mental pressure and huge humiliation in the town. Kindly request you to Please advice me the correct solution…
Additional information:
My sister in law is only 10th pass
My parents treated her like a daughter.
My Brother is only 5th Pass
His monthly income less than Rs. 10000
While going she took 64 grams of gold from us.
While she was getting married from her house she brought 3 soureign of gold for Mangal Sutra.
We are ready to give money Rs. 150000 as the final settlement.
When we went to brink her back to her home.. there were settlement talk was going on. We have Audio recordings.
sandeep chowdhury says
February 17, 2016 at 2:46 pmDear Author and all Brothers,
This is an same suffering of my life too..Its more like a biography of my married life been written before I said a word.I am on the same boat and fighting!! Marrying and having kid from a feminist family is a shame of life…I am thinking why we marry before this blog been read. I will educate my son to take lesson from my life but dnt know how to get him back!!
Thanks,
Sandeep
videv says
February 20, 2016 at 1:30 pmFor son, you can file for child custody GWC petition, and ask for 50:50 shared parenting, joint custody etc or others way of shared parenting options may work out.
Lt Col Saikrishna says
December 10, 2015 at 8:29 pmSir,
I am very grateful to your website, I have a unmarried sister and a widowed mother and a minor son and facing a DV Case at Nagpur when I am posted at Assam. I contested the case of RCR C(Transfer Petition) as Respondent in person and the SC gave the favor of my wife.
2. Your website is very helpful.
Thank your for making me mentally tough. Kudos
venkata chakradharan says
November 13, 2015 at 2:58 pmTHANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR EXTENDED HELPING HAND.
Rajesh khatri says
November 13, 2015 at 9:32 amDear all ,
Pls guide me I have something very important to know from you all .
It’s been 8 years of marriage and out of 8 years I have Solid my wife and other solid proof that my wife was living 90 % with her parents for study purpose .
She just used to come to my home on any occasions and any family get together or any weekend party etc . She actually has written this in her report too , on one side she is saying that I have given her mental torture in first four years of marriage but on other side they are saying in report that she was with her parents and I he solid proof of her that she was staying there only.
Now hw come I can torture her when she was at her parents home .
I have a son of 6 yrs and he is with me for whole I have filed a case in court under guardianship act because my wife was threatening me to kidnap my son.
After filing guardian ship case my wife filed 498a,406 and other acts on me and my family .
The process of mediation went on for 1 month but failed .
Now the son is with me for whom case in going in family court
Now the second case about 498a 406 against me and my family in which my father in law have mention lakh of ruppees given to me in 8 yrs of marriage , by God grace I got income tax statement of my father in law in which he has shown his income not more than 2 lakhs per annum any year.
I want to know that hw should I proceed in my case now .
Pls give ur valuable advice.
videv says
November 13, 2015 at 12:04 pmYou are a hero! Not 1 in 100 will file GWC case in your situation but you have done it. Now just make sure your son is not kidnapped, fight the GWC well giving all proofs of mother not taking care of son. And to take care of FIL, file a TEP(tax evasion petition) for hiding his real income. You can easily search this site for it, or just google.
Rajesh khatri says
November 13, 2015 at 1:25 pm#Dear videv ,
Thanks for prompt response ..
I m more curious abt 498a 406 against me and my family.
I want to know that when we have evidences of my FIL tax return , my wife staying with her parents for approx 5 years in 7-8 years of marriage .
And I also have records of her salary / some investments …as she has blamed that I used to withdraw her money from her bank account through ATM .
I have numerous pics in which my wife is enjoying with her colleagues , partying , of different different months .
My in laws are total unaware of the fact that I have all such proofs.
Now can they put pressure on police and also bribe them to go against us .
How to quash the case that this Is all manipulation .
Also what abt anticipatory bail .
Pls guide me in details abt all these queries.
Thanks
videv says
November 13, 2015 at 9:59 pmjoin the groups, cases don’t get quashed based on evidence.
Subo says
November 5, 2015 at 2:03 pmHi Videv, Thanks a ton for sharing your knowledge and help to all Bichara men like me. I am also a victim of torture by my wife and my in-laws. I was married in 2012 and have a 2 yr old lovely daughter. My parents and elder brothers stay in there resp houses.My problem is my wife is a occasional visitor to my house wherein I stay alone. Since last two year she visits to her parents without informing me and to add to the misery she stays there for months. Everytime she fights with me whenever I insist her to come back to me.To add,she says that she is unable to manage household stuff and take care of my baby since she is educated and never did anything at her home which is conveyed to her by her parents. She even doesn’t want a maid to do her work. Now she wants me to stay near her parents place so that she can go to her parents everyday when m not at home. I stay in Mumbai and she stays in Raigad. My problem is that if I go according to her, i’ll have to quit my job since daily travelling so much is practically impossible. When I refused to do so she and her parents have threatened me and my family of dire consequences of 498 and the other toppings. She has started talking to our relatives and known people that since we have a daughter we are mistreating her,asking for dowry and so on. She was a teacher and have left the job last year. In the past one year she has been to her parents place for 5 months,came back for a month and now 2 months not with me. Out of our 3.6 married years she might have stayed with her parents for 2.6 years( I think she was there with me only for fkuing). I have asked her the reason for not staying with me and if not compatible take divorce. Every time she gives vague reason and tries to buy time from me. And she is not willing to leave me saying that she loves me and cannot survive without me( and happily enjoying with her parents for months without me). Now my problem is I have become a married bachelor who have to manage between job and household.I don’t find any reason( apart from my child) to stay married with that lady. I am 100% sure that I don’t want the lady in my life but want my child back without causing any problems to family by my wife and her parents.And I am ready to fight her no matter what. Can u pls suggest what steps I should follow in order to get separated without paying her ?
videv says
November 6, 2015 at 2:36 pm>>and happily enjoying with her parents for months without me). Now my problem is I have become a married bachelor who have to manage between job and household
If she is able to enjoy life without you (even managing 2 yr old kid) but you are unhappy being a bichara married bachelor. So they are on right track keeping you frustrated hoping you file divorce.
>> Can u pls suggest what steps I should follow in order to get separated without paying her ?
It can be pulled off only by very few, and even then wife should be working/earning
Aalam says
October 17, 2015 at 5:26 pmHey Bro!
Very Very True and Useful Information given by you. Let me Share my on going Reality of life.
I am facing False cases too. Will share in detail very soon.
I really pray Let Almighty keep all married couples happy, let nobody get trapped in false cases.
Regards,
Aalam..
VH says
September 17, 2015 at 6:15 pmDear Videv, greetings! You’re doing a divine job of pacifying the restless souls of Indian men, like i have.
I’ve married 2.5 years back and since then my wife is an occasional visitor at my place (I’m having job 250 km apart from her town).
She stayed at her parent’s house during this period.She had a solid reason for not staying with me as she was doing PhD there.
But, on asking her that why she were not staying with my parents (My parents and her parents live in the same city),she says that it was
not possible to study at sasural. In summary, She has always made my life hell even during her short visits at my place. She is abusive.
She insulted me before my neighbours,and always demanded divorce even for small skirmishes between us. But i ignored her agrresions, in the hope that
one day when we’ll be living together, things will automatically improve.But, that day never came.
Anyways, we are not talking to each other(for the last 6 months) after an incident took palce at her father’s place when her brother, father,
and mother abused me, my sub-caste, and family. They threatened me of police and judicial system and all that pattern u’ve talked about. Since then
there is no contact between us. In the mean time, her brother and father came to threaten my parents that i should compromize and start it all over again.
Now her allegations against me are (that she complained to my parents verbally): (1)He(me) sees nude girls on watsApp (2) He eats egg (Although she eats too)
3)He eats non-veg and says one day you will also have to. (4)He tried to force me to swallow Unwanted-72 pills (3 times in our marriage life) and for this reason i develop
some medical issues in my eyes (5) He hesitates to visit a male doctor when i’m sick, which shows his 18th century attitude (6)He wanted me to be fully cladded with clothes etc.
I don’t know her actual intentions. whether she wants to make me her loyal dog or is it that they wanted to frustrate me to the extent to file divorce first.
In any case, i’ve no plans to succumb to this pressure. I do not feel anything for her. I realize that i’m quite happy while not with her. Her thoughts even make
my life a hell. One thing to be mentioned here is that,in the meantime, she also got a job after completing her PhD. As of now, no cases are filed by them or us.
Fortunately, we don’t have any child.And i don’t want any from this woman too; because i know that she will use it as her weapon in the future.
I know she must be desperate enough to become a mother,as she reached that critical age.
My issues are:
a) She is quite egoistic and impulsive. She is intelligent too. She acquired her PhD and also a fairly good job. What if she commit suicide,
in order to revenge me? Is it not quite possible, as she is deprived off being a mother?
b) What if, they don’t file any cases and start pressuriing me to make their daughter a mother?
c) Do i need to visit her to perform the duties of a man? 🙂
d) Can i tell them of my intentions of not having any child? Will it not be considered a cruelty towards her?
regards, VH
videv says
September 25, 2015 at 7:49 pmIf you feel inspired by the idea of becoming like a sperm donor, having child, then paying maintenance for 18 years at least to wife and child is honourable and duty of a man, that will be entirely your decision. It is quite clear she is not going to live with you as a family.
>>She is intelligent too. She acquired her PhD and also a fairly good job. What if she commit suicide,
90% problems are solved if wife is qualified and working, because then you can defeat her maintenance application in future. Intelligent or not, not many women want to commit suicide merely to implicate the husband; though some psycho ones maybe capable of that too, but usually they do suicide attempt and drama, but not actually take their life.
sudheer says
August 27, 2015 at 3:35 pmDear Vivek Deveshwar,
I got married in Dec. 2014. Since then my wife is not showing any affection, which every husband expects. She never appreciate any thing done to her. Right from honeymoon. Recently ie.in the first week of August, 2015, she went with her father without telling me and my parents. She returned after three weeks with her parents. Could you judge what is her intention and future action will be.
videv says
August 29, 2015 at 3:10 pmI don’t want to hazard guessing intentions of another man’s wife, when he himself is unable to guess her intentions 🙂
But going by general experience, her (and your in-laws) intention is to frustrate you. Not showing affection or appreciating anything are typical feminist and narcissistic traits, too.
BeardedBeast says
August 14, 2015 at 2:56 pmWhat an Excellent writeup… All Hail King ViDev.. 😉
Being on the verge to give up on my life, what holded me back was the dependent parents and my duty towards my Neice..
Once I started reading your blog, I M LIKE lets FCUKING take this CHOR parties for ride and that’s what I have decide to do.. No RCR from my end.. No calls, No Meets, No Emails – As if that piece of shit does not exists and if I am a BACHELOR..
For all who thinks ending the life is only option.. Guys WAKE UP why don’t u instead thinking to FIGHT IT OUT with NEVER BACK DOWN attitude… One Step at a time but that’s what will make you reach the destination..
In case if u still want to End ur Life… Lets catch-up personally there is definitely something which would make you positive and cheer u up..
Yes and do make sure you gather or socialize with the people who are going through such situations it helps a Lot… I am personally associated with VAASTAV.ORG and it feels great to meet and discuss issue with people..
Ranjeet says
September 21, 2015 at 10:18 amWhere can I meet you all and discuss
videv says
September 25, 2015 at 7:35 pmNumbers are there on top of every page to call and find out nearest meeting.
Ramesh says
August 6, 2015 at 5:40 pmHI VIDEV ,
What ever you had written is 100% true.The women Kritika commented on your post is negative.This Kritika will understand the real pain when her daughter-in-law( of course she had son) files a case on her at that time only she will realise the pain.
raju says
August 2, 2015 at 8:49 pmDear
First of all i want to share my views for you…I am fighting thinking all day and spending sleepless night about how to teach a lesson to my cruel wife and in law Her “MOTHER” spending lots of time searching for child custody and i finally found your article….YOU ARE REALLY A HOPE AND TRUST for continuing my fight.Whatever u told about issues staying with parents and feminist dominated family its what going with me..kindly take few mins to read my comment …we were married 2 yrs back..in this 2 yrs my wife hardly stayed 2 mnths with me…she used to tell that I am home sick so please allow me to visit to my birth place..I and my parents always allowed her without any objections..than recently we were blessed with a baby boy…he is 8 months old now…recently my wife started saying that i cant stay with your parents as i am not feeling this as my home..I need your parents to get separated..though I am working this the only income for our family..I told her that We our parents from my childhood are together its very difficult for us to get separated.but she doest listen a single word of me or my parents..though she says that ur parents are very gud persons but i want my freedom and my so called own house where ur parents should not stay with us..giving me no time to think she left us and went to her birth place as usual but this time she is not coming and fighting over phone..she is telling i will only come if ur parents go..I tried to tel her that give me some time but she is telling u take ur own time..once they are separated than only i will come. Now the problem is my parents are getting sick day by day in thinking about her and my son..My MOM cries atleast 4-5 times a day thinking abt my kid..as our parents loved him very much..My question to u is that..how to get my KId Back..secondly though My wife is not listening how to make her understand.Plz Plz Plz….help me out…to save my parents.their is lot other things to say but to make u understand this is more than enough..awaiting u to reply..
Thanks in advance
videv says
August 3, 2015 at 9:45 pmYour post started with how to teach lesson to cruel wife and her mother, and ends by asking how to make wife understand! First you need to resolve your own contradictions, making emotional appeals is not enough.
Getting child custody for 8 months old child is practically speaking difficult, unless mother abandons the child.
Sanath says
July 26, 2015 at 2:36 amIt is indeed a great website and truly helpful for men who are harassed by their wives.
I am also a troubled man. My wife used exactly the same techniques mentioned above. She had filed for divorce first and then I had applied for RCR. Now both cases are clubbed together in family court. We also have a 9 year old daughter and my wife has her custody.
But fortunately, I am a lawyer and I knew that a court case is a like a war where strategy wins and emotions lose. After a lot of introspection, I realized that I would never be happy by divorcing my wife and seeing her walk away with half my assets. Also, I would not be able to bear the trauma of seeing my wife marry some other man. Also, I honestly didn’t feel like marrying again as there is no guarantee that another wife would be any better.
All I yearned was to see my wife suffer and repent for her mistakes. I wanted to bring her to a situation where she is left with no option but to beg me to take her back. I knew that law is skewed towards women but I also knew that my strength lies in my patience to wait for 40-50 years to get justice. I am one of those who find happiness is seeking revenge. I enjoy confrontations and seeing my opponent in frustration acts as a stress reliever.
I knew that my wife has no valid reason to seek divorce. Hence, I contested her divorce petition. My wife had made all sorts of allegations against me which I summarily denied in court. So, now the onus was on my wife to get evidence to prove her allegations. Obviously, she couldn’t get any because there was none.
The case went on for more than 4 years in family court. My wife kept begging me for divorce but I refused. I told the court that I loved my wife and requested her resume her marital duties. Also, I didn’t have to pay any maintenance to my wife or daughter since I am pleading her to come back. I told the court that I love my wife unconditionally and have no allegations against her.
The judge could not grant divorce because my wife did not have a valid reason for seeking the same under HMA Act 1955. Also, since my wife had deserted me, granting her divorce would have amounted to allowing her to take advantage of her own wrongdoing. This is a settled position of law which cannot be allowed.
Today, the situation is that my wife cannot remarry as she is still legally married to me. I do not have to pay anything for my wife and daughter’s expenses. So, my wife is completely dependent on her parent’s income for survival. I have also made it difficult for her to mingle socially, since I keep a close eye on her. I am sure my wife is regretting leaving me. Waiting for my wife to eventually return to me. I know I that I will never be able to forgive my wife but I will certainly allow her to stay with me as per court orders. After all, sleeping with your enemy and humiliating them everyday is the best revenge one can seek.
shunyyo bakshi says
March 8, 2016 at 8:08 pmU seem to be in love with ur wife.. More than u claim….
But what’s d use??? If she gets an alternative income or som far-off relative or known person has a child with her…
U won’t b able to ‘take” her back legally nor emotionally…
And if he turns out to b more powerful or intelligent than u… He may use d same tactics to bring u to ‘ur knees’…
If she doesn’t want to state with u… Nobody in this world can make her… If she even is an average intelligent woman.
Kritika says
July 19, 2015 at 6:58 pmThis website makes me want to puke with all this patriarchy bullshit which is why women are tortured to begin with. Secondly you want laws to be gender neutral but society should be gender biased (patriarchy). I am a modern educated women who was abused and tortured by my husband, and at this point I’m so thankful for the law at least I can fight my case and restore my self respect. I’m sorry for centuries women have been subjected to sati, dowry death and physical/mental/economic abuse. So who ever is writing this is the biggest piece of shit and please never marry or associate with these patriarchy minded men. I’m sorry but men and women are equal both should contribute to the households it’s not a patented woman’s job. You want your wife to work and not be a parasite then you better share the house work with her and stop expecting her to serve you and your parents. We are two sisters and my parents don’t have a son does this mean they deserve to not be taken care of? And just because some stupid woman produced a penis she can her son and daughter in law to serve her. I’m sorry but neolocal society is the way to go to avoid all this because grown men and women should start their own lives alone and not be henpecked to parents. Please stop this bullshit mentality it’s really sickening. All its doing is making women hate Indian men with such regressive mentality. Really you are doing a service to society infact encouraging a very sick mentality that the society should now finally move away from. Men and women need to be treated equally #enough said.
videv says
July 20, 2015 at 11:09 am
raghunath reddy says
October 15, 2015 at 3:44 pmYour comment
I’m sorry but men and women are equal both should contribute to the households it’s not a patented woman’s job
My comment
Then why you (women) marring boy based on his salary, property. 95% women always look for higher salaried boy. If same thing boy expects you people never accepts.
Why women taking maintenance from husband , but not taking property share from your parents.
Women are parasite to the men.
Basha says
November 2, 2015 at 12:16 amLady, could you give your opinion about the false DV slapped by women and her parents just to seek revenge?
I have been seeing these days that feminism mean women>>>men rather than women=men.
Ruhi says
March 11, 2016 at 8:48 pmI agree with You kritika whole heartedly…. It make me wanna puke as well.. I mean what the hell these men want slaves not wives with a mind heart and soul.. These men want us women to consider them swami lord they will have the power to uproot us from our parents and implant us in their home yet they have no feelings whatsoever for us.. They want equality well I SAY IF MEN WANT EQUALITY IN LAW GRANT EQUALITY TO WOMEN FIRST IN SOCIETY IN TRUE TERMS.. YOU MEN HAVE A HABIT OF USING YOUR MALE DOMINATED POWER GIVEN TO YOU BY SOCIETY AND ILLTREAT YOUR WIVES.. THEN LEAVE HER AND GO AND MARRY AGAIN..
prish says
March 17, 2018 at 2:10 amI am sorry to say this i am a woman and my brother is experiencing issues with a feminist matriarchal wife and in-lawsand that is making me hate women too. You have had a bad experience but please dont generalise and get negative. Evil is not the property of a race or community. There are bad women out there and also bad men. Its not fair to generalise. For your own sanity pleas look for good examples in society. I know of couples who are very happy, they give each other utmost respect and love. No one tries to dominate anyone. There are merits in a womna being at home and man providing for family so that cannot be disregarded. and yes today we women have a need for self-actualisation and need for achievements, house work just doesn’t cut it. Such women must be honest with themselves and to their prospective partners. The prospective husband should also be honest before marriage. It is not right to get married and then try to change each other. Old Parents need to be looked after. I also know of a happily married woman whose father lives with her and her husbandand she looks after them both. Everyone is not same have faith have hope. Problems are faced when a person with good intentions gets trapped with one with malicious intentions. We need to find the right person. I pray that good people dont get trapped with bad people.
surender singh says
July 3, 2015 at 3:02 ammarriage is a good thing but some misunderstandings destory lives your blogs may help to reduse fake cases
as i suffer now
Gobinda says
June 20, 2015 at 12:03 pmI am in very crucial moment. Kindly help me by information’s. Otherwise my like would be very risky. Kindly your information and steps will help me to lead a normal life.
videv says
June 20, 2015 at 2:18 pmPlenty of information is already on the website, it’s up to each person to take basic responsibility of their own situation and move forward from there.
Jason says
June 13, 2015 at 8:25 amGreetings from the United States. California, Fresno.
I am not Indian, but I have visited and lived in your country; consider me a friend in your stand for the rights of Men!
Vaibhav says
June 4, 2015 at 9:48 pmHi..i am a father of son who had done suicide 4 months back due to extreme pressure from his wife and her parents. She was with her parents and has done threatening call on the day before suicide was done. now after 4 months me my wife and my other son and his wife is facing a case of domestic violence. No property was on my son. he was residing me in my house on rent. in suicide note he has written that please do not let her stay in this house. my son was govt. servant. my son got married since 11 years but there is no child. considering all this nonsense in 11 years we have not done anything on my son name nor we have any ancestral property. my other son stays in another house and not with us, still they are also facing the domestic violence charge. i was living with my son who committed suicide, my wife and his wife in my own house which is on my wife’s name. so i want to know what can she do with domestic violence cell. what could she get from us. We both are senior citizen having pension only.
videv says
June 5, 2015 at 9:26 amSorry to hear about your sons’s suicide.
As per my understanding, there is no claim a daughter in law can bring against in-laws’ own self-acquired property. There are both HC and SC judgments on this issue, and all of them are on this website itself. Change the locks or add locks if you want to feel more secure, just in case she comes unannounced and barges in the house. Of course the ‘learned’ lawyers are usually heard saying just the opposite, but I guess you won’t be asking the question here if you had faith in lawyers.
Even second son’s wife can’t ask for residence order if she doesn’t stay in your house.
None of them has any claim on your pension or any income for that matter.
As a larger issue, if you have some evidence that your son committed suicide due to wife’s harassment, she (and her parents) should be facing a criminal case of abetting suicide.
aseef says
June 15, 2015 at 12:44 amSir,
I’m a victim of CRPC 125. i happen to marry her before 6 years almost. But right from the beginning, she was in her fathers house only. yes she has “visited” my home now and then. But since last one year, she never even “visited” my house. we have 2 kids eventually. when i went to her home before some 10 months, his father “beat” me and said to me not to “disturb” her by showing my “face”
They then never allowed me to interact with my wife or children.. Now SHE WANTS TO STAY PERMANENTLY IN HER FATHERS HOME BUT WANTS ME TO PAY HER…. is their any chance that I DEMAND HER EITHER TO LIVE WITH ME OR GIVE DIVORCE …CANNOT ROB MONEY…please advice!!
videv says
June 18, 2015 at 10:29 amSince you had 2 children with a mostly ‘visiting’ wife as you say, your case is not very strong against denying maintenance.
When a woman asks for maintenance, it’s called the law… Just because a husband or two in private says it’s “robbing money”, it’s not going to be declared illegal as “robbery”, because most men prefer to get “robbed” and that’s why they pass these laws. Better read the judgments or my book on maintenance, just hoping and waiting will not work.
sunil says
May 16, 2015 at 6:02 pmhi videv, thanks a lot for this wonderful and very informative post. 3 years after my marriage, i am exactly in the same situation as described by you. I am already fighting 498a, maintenance and dv case against me and my entire my family just out of nothing. The quote mentioned by you ‘kick his parents out and train him to be a pet’ is just amazing so true. Luckily i don’t have any child but i really do not want to pay a large amount of maintenance to her although she is qualified but not working. She is neither agreeing for a mutual divorce in court nor for a one time financial settlement. It’s all been driven by my in-laws and mainly by my brother -in law who himself is a police officer. At this stage of life i am feeling helpless and wish i should not have born in a country like india where law is just a joke for women and they keep misusing it.
Please add me to your whats app grpup, i would like to join that.
A big thank you.
videv says
May 16, 2015 at 7:45 pmFor whatsapp, send joining request to phone numbers in right sidebar topmost post under important posts.
KA says
March 4, 2015 at 1:25 amHi,
I got married in Dec 2014(“love” marriage) and I am a NRI, who had a long distance with my GF in India. She stopped staying with me and my family within 15 days and did not join me back. She has been staying with her family ever since. Meanwhile, we discovered she is having an affair, most likely pre-marriage too. We are collecting evidence via a Detective. I am being constantly advised not to file a Divorce case and wait. I wish to understand how does waiting help anyone? Even if she gets frustrated and wishes to go ahead with divorce, she will still file all these 498A and DV cases? How does she filing a divorce case help me as a man?>
videv says
March 4, 2015 at 8:18 pm>>am being constantly advised not to file a Divorce case and wait
Marriage in Dec 2014, so divorce can’t be filed by either one of you before Dec 2015. Read Hindu marriage act, it’s all there.
Within 1 year, only void or anulment of marriage can be filed.
>>Even if she gets frustrated and wishes to go ahead with divorce
It doesn’t seem she is frustrated in any way, you have to ask whether you are!
>>How does she filing a divorce case help me as a man?
It’s psychology of the courts and in general most Indians that they look down upon divorce, so anyone who files for divorce may get that label, more so husbands; because women can try to hide behind DV allegations and woman’s tears. Also if you file she can easily claim maintenance under HMA 24 from ‘rich NRI husband’, so one likely scenario staring at you is that you have to ‘enjoy’ for next 5 years while she takes your money and goes with her boyfriend! Family court cases usually get seriousness only after 5 years or so.
GAhuja says
April 15, 2015 at 3:34 amIf your detective is reliable can you please email me the details?
Suresh Jha says
March 1, 2015 at 4:31 amI appreciate your viewpoint and hope to be advised to not give maintenance.
My wife firstly forsed me for 13B after negotiations. After refused by court she filed a 498A case including section 377 off IPC and related acts. Now she is contously filling petition in family court to. Dissolve marriage and seperate petition for maintenance. But I m determined to fight but not give her maintenance
videv says
March 1, 2015 at 11:37 amGetting proofs of wife’s current working/current income/past income are best to avoid maintenance or reduce it to low maintenance. But given she is filing cases continuously, most probably that’s her only ‘work’ right now, and probably for many years ahead. Women with short marriages, no good reason to stay apart, and no children being granted maintenance is nothing but encouragement of parasitic behaviour. Maybe these women should join next Republic Day parade forming their own “nari shakti” contingent. They will be cheered by all the white knights and the alpha aspiring zombie males.
007 says
February 13, 2015 at 12:06 pmYour survey is 100 % true. whatever is written in this blog matches more than 90 % of my marriage life situation. Earlier I thought that may be I should have dealt with my situation differently but no dealing with a situation differently does the change the evil intentions of wife and her parents. I have went through mental agony since my marriage which lasted for only 2 and half days in matrimonial home and now I am trying to get out of the situation in a proper and matured manner.
kishore c palei says
January 26, 2015 at 8:30 pmthanx a lot.god will help you.i have benifitted from your blog
kapil says
January 14, 2015 at 9:03 amI am facing false 498A and 506 ,right now case is going on what wrights I have,I have made all expenditures of Marriage,jewelleries and for her clothes also.I have taken no dowry they don’t even had money to get wedding cards,they have not presented any recovery list in court .I have got all proofs of my expenditures.kindly guide what to do.
videv says
January 14, 2015 at 10:34 amPls join whatsapp group for discussion if you are on whatsapp. Sent email with details separately.
aseef says
June 15, 2015 at 12:49 amPlz send me your whatsapp n0.
videv says
June 18, 2015 at 10:25 amThe lucky ones find it without asking about it in comments, but anyway here it is: http://menrightsindia.net/2015/01/counselling-discussion-of-personal-cases-on-whatsapp.html
shiv yadav says
January 13, 2015 at 12:01 pmsame thing happeng with me .but only thing is different i did love marrage in june 2014 .she started battle since september. i first legaly sent notice she filled 498 a sectns 3 & 4..and me filed case restitution of conjugal rights in district family court. my wife challenged this in high court by Tr C.M.P.for tranfer. matter is that am understanding what is my wife intension. please give advice to ovecome these futile cases.
videv says
January 13, 2015 at 6:32 pmLove marriage is no guarantee of anything. I have seen multiple such cases already where within 6 months of so called love marriage, wife is filing cases like there is no tomorrow.
However, it is not clear what your own intention is. Sending legal notice etc seems lawyer advice, which almost always never works.
If wife filed 498a, what was the reason behind filing RCR? That’s like your wife says you are a criminal driving her to suicide (in criminal court), while you tell another court that you want wife back!
The point of this post is to create awareness about what happens in the System/courts/lawyers, and how to navigate through them. The best course of action is left to the person by talking to others in same situation, and understanding how they dealt with it. Which means meeting in person and creating some trust.
I am not aware of anyone who got any good results from filing RCR after wife filed 498a, so maybe you could check with whoever advised you to do the same.
abhay sonthalia says
December 13, 2014 at 2:17 pmIt feels nice reading this article, But what to do in a situation like this. I also have a son of more than 18 months. MY wife is staying with her parents and my son since 4 months. Everytime we are trying to communicate and pacify them, they only fight on petty issues, specially money, nd she doesnt want to take care of the household stuffs because she is a doctor. So m I. We have been waiting but now I am getting impatient, but if RCR is not the step, then what is it. How should it be done. To safeguard ourselves, we have to take help from a lwayer. Kindly suggest
videv says
December 13, 2014 at 4:24 pmTheir strategy is very clear. They want to frustrate you so that you file for divorce, and after that they may file DV/CrPC 125 etc to get maintenance. RCR is useless anyway, wife is not a buffalo who can be brought back by using a legal document.
She being a doctor will make it very difficult for her to get maintenance. That’s a very good thing in your favour.
Call 08882 498498 and meet their activists. Usually people keep searching for judgments or some legal trick on online lawyers’ forums, but there is nothing much that can be done. It’s a ‘game’ of psychology and lot of patience. Who has these in abundance wins in the end. Lawyer should be used to execute YOUR strategy, not make decisions on your life.
Regarding son, you can file custody or visitation even now. But 90% people don’t want to do it without wife coming back, so I guess paying lumpsum is the route they go in the end.
498a arrests have come down drastically, so safety from arrest is not that much of an issue anymore.
Dhaval says
October 16, 2014 at 5:50 pmThe Article is really great, it’s actually happening in my life. whatever is mentioned here is the tactics are used by my wife and still going on….
Unfortunately, we have a son now and she is using him as a weapon for our fights. I don’t know what will happen in future, may be I already suicide if my parents are not there…. I am only worrying about my parents and innocent son who don’t know that he is being pawn of someones game.
Don’t know what happen….. anyways thanks a lot and please mentions steps to prevent false cases also.
videv says
October 16, 2014 at 10:10 pm>>please mentions steps to prevent false cases also.
What exactly could be the only effective prevention steps to stave off false cases?
1. Don’t marry
2. Don’t have child if you are married
3. marry a crorepati if you are only lakhpati (she still might file a DV/maintenance case anyway!)
Above is only half joke, because in western countries, many men have already given up on relationships and have gone MGTOW.
For son, you can always file child custody. What? Your mother says child stays with mother always! Really? Did you grow up with single parent? Does the law says so?
Your advocate says you can’t file because child is less than 5 years old? “What other jokes are lawyers capable of?” I will cover when I add he child custody/visitation section. Not sure whether it will make any difference however.
prish says
March 17, 2018 at 2:23 amVidev,
\my brother’s wife is daughter of a crorepati businessman. very wealthy and still she has sued us for maintenance. Although it was not so much due to need but to put pressure on us to succumb to her demands or atleast revenge. but nevertheless, we are fighting.
manoj* says
January 9, 2015 at 7:25 pmDhaval bro.my situation is also same…..n i wanna jst die..me n my parents very innocent*
VP says
October 5, 2014 at 9:40 pmand I’m sure while your blogs r saving many lives across India,they are also reducing #fakecases
VP says
October 5, 2014 at 9:39 pmViDev, I don’t have words to explain how great this particular blog of yours, I’m sure u will never tired writing such great articles to save male gender (be it white knight, alpha,beta males) one day all have to wake up to see what they r left with in society. Keep up this great effort, world will be looking forward for your feature articles.
VP