Gentlemen and friends, here we attempt to discuss the dreaded C-word called Compromise. It is a favourite word used by advocates, CAW cell, and judges too when we face false allegations of domestic violence, dowry harassment aka IPC 498a, IPC 406 aka keeping wife’s gifts/stridhan etc. etc.
Also read the Innocent until proven guilty is the law if you haven’t already since that sets the context for this post. I have written another post about compromise during 498a cases, you can read that too.
Regarding police/CAW putting pressure to compromise: The sad reality is many people who face these issues ACTUALLY do compromise in terms of ‘settling’ the case by paying money and getting the coveted so called ‘mutual divorce’ and buying peace. As long as that keeps happening, police/CAW/advocates will keep pushing the new cases into the compromise pipeline.
It works out for everyone:
1. Husband gets ‘freedom/peace/chance to remarry’.
2. Husband’s parents get possibility of real ‘bahu’ next time and then grandchildren. It’s another matter that in a second time failure of marriage, it’s only the husband who calls with despondence in his voice. Everyone knows that the second marriage has turned out to be what can probably be called a ‘failed experiment’ in hindsight.
3. Wife/in-laws get their money. It’s all about money, honey! , so mission accomplished for them.
4. Police gets the bribe and added satisfaction of having ‘solved’ a case esp against a woman!.
5. Advocates get their fees rather quick, rather than going for multiple hearings over the years.
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So this becomes a win-win-win-win-win situation if we extend the MBA speak a bit. Who can argue against that?
Now here I am going to disclose a secret to the whole world, a secret so sensitive and powerful that if your opponent camp or their advocates came to know that I was about to disclose it, they would have paid me money not to disclose.
By disclosing this secret, the divorce and DV industry stands to lose several thousand crores of business done every year by filing of fake 498a, DV, divorce, maintenance cases.
The judges have always known this secret, but instead of staying neutral they have used that knowledge to create a fear in mind of public to subtly or not so subtly steer them towards the compromise route. In a way, they are being part of the divorce/DV/false cases industry. They will have the ready excuse that it’s the parties who do the compromise, but who is the one who grants anticipatory bail after large cash deposit made by husband in IPC 406 cases, and asks those accused of 498a: “Do you have a compromise”? It’s the judges themselves.
The secret is given below. It’s really very simple.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO COMPROMISE
Let me expand that a bit: You (the accused in a false case), do not need (like need to eat) to do the C-word.
And let’s just say that I was exaggerating when I said someone would pay me money not to disclose this secret. The real secret is that the business of DV/divorce industry is going quite well and I foresee it will go though there is possibility of reduction in business of 498a bail industry due to recent SC judgment against automatic arrests under 498a.
I know by now some people are feeling a bit queasy in their stomach, about the need part.
“I am only 31 years old.” OR even “I am 39 years old” as someone said to me (don’t worry, there are many 39 year olds so it’s not about you). So let’s just say age doesn’t matter really. You can be 60-70 years old too as we receive a few cases in that age group too. At young age, people have need to have a family, companion etc; at old age they may already have grown up children, but that doesn’t take away the psychological pain of facing false cases.
One of the basic problems is the slow pace of court cases in Indian judiciary. So the other needs of life get postponed till cases get over.
But is losing dignity or self-respect a worthy cost of it?
There is a difference between respectability and self-respect.
Respectability can have many external elements to it. Like a corrupt person who has amassed wealth by taking bribes has built respectability in society.
Self-respect is not external.
Now people who do compromise care a lot about respect in society, so they want to remarry and have a second chance. Nothing wrong with it. There is little acceptance for not married people in Indian society and that’s a reality as of now.
But by buying peace doing ‘compromise’ in first marriage, they give a clear signal to the prospective brides/families in second marriage that they are a pushover kind of people.
Let’s make it specific. If you walk down the street, it may not be written on your face whether you are the pushover kind, but when you do discussions about second marriage, the other party will know for sure if they ask a few questions about why the first marriage failed.
After that, it’s your luck or karma. There is very high probability that the second marriage candidates will be from the same feminist/matriarchal families who want to hunt for a ‘bakra’, and who can be an easier ‘bakra’ than a man with a failed first marriage, with clear proof that he paid money to ‘get rid of’ the false cases? “Right on target”, they will exclaim! They already are planning when and how to file the cases and maybe won’t wait for a week after marriage before activating their mission.
For those facing false cases, while it is easy to put the blame for first marriage fiasco on multiple parties: on in-laws, on biased laws, on lawyers, on horoscopes, on lack of judgment by parents/relatives etc; for second marriage there is usually no one to take the blame but the husband!
You will be all alone.
The only right way for a second marriage is this: defeat the opponents both legally and psychologically, and come out with head held high. After that, whatever you do is like a fresh start rather than a compromise after compromise.
Many have done second marriages already, and they didn’t even take 5 years. In fact, it’s surprising that those who care little about the false cases and are patient about them get rid of them within few years, but those who worry a lot and want to get rid of them quickly are unable to do it, or able to do it only after doing the ‘compromise’! Irony of life? I don’t think so.
I can’t think of a reason why a never married woman would want to marry a ‘defeated’ and ‘compromised’ husband from first marriage, unless she had less choice herself.
Among the divorced women, the choice would be very little because since 85% of Indian divorce cases are filed by women, it’s more likely than not that your prospective bride is an ex-498a/DV/maintenance filer and a veteran of compromise deeds! For you it may be like first real marriage, for her it could be another compromise deed in waiting