Usual sequence of events in a typical case which comes to MRAs

It's very common to see people who approach MRAs (Men's Rights Activists) getting slapped with multiple cases, either within few months, or one by one in a slow-torture procedure followed by wife/in-laws.

Most common sequence of events is as follows:

Note: you may also want to read the advice to men mega-post about more details of scenarios and phases summarized below.

Phase 1: Acclimatize the husband to what's coming next - Domination!

1. Wife creates trouble or quarrels start within few days or weeks of marriage. Husband doesn't know it yet that wife comes from a feminist/matriarchal family where mother is the dominant person in the household (even if not so in public).

2. Wife creates many incidents where she complains either about husband's mother, or about husband himself.

3. She may not do usual expected duties of wife like cooking, taking care of household (assuming she is a housewife which is the scenario in 80-85% of cases).

4. Husband may feel there are a few positive things also in this early part of marriage, like honeymoon experience and so on. So having had no experience of such situations being created by wife, he usually thinks that it is just teething troubles of early marriage and things will get better over time.

Phase 2: Time to test the husband: Wife leaves husband's house and go to her parents' place

1. Common scenario in this phase is that husband keeps thinking in very straightforward manner that this is just a passing phase.

2. So he dutifully opens up communication with wife/in-laws to bring her back.

3. This is the first test of the newly-wed man, so the in-laws will take this opportunity to insult, humiliate, dominate him. They will tell him of certain flaws in him, or certain things he should have done but he did not do.

4. Our man will be surprised and startled, but still he will dutifully listen and think that in-laws are like parents/elders; and anyway there's no harm in listening to some unjustifiable insults if it results in wife coming back. So that's exactly what he does and brings back the wife.

5. Husband thinks that things will be all smooth from now. He is happy and looking forward to trouble-free life and marital bliss. But unknown to him the feminist/matriarchal in-laws and wife have conducted their first successful test on him and understood his weak points for future exploitation.

Phase 3: Maybe few more tests, then go for the siege

1. Now the wife and in-laws have seen husband's weak points. Mostly he seems like a nice, middle class guy from a middle class Indian family. This is exactly the kind of soft target feminist families want to see in their son-in-laws. Law abiding, god fearing, good citizen kind of folks who can buckle under pressure of false cases and believe that legal or police cases are a blot on their family reputation.

2. In this phase, there may be few twists depending on each case. Usually the wife will leave for her parents' place based on some fight or excuse and then they will keep quiet for a few months. The idea is to frustrate the husband and make him feel guilty as to what is missing in his behaviour that wife doesn't seem to be happy.

3. Sometimes the wife gets pregnant and leaves for delivery to her parents' place. After that they just keep quiet and keep husband guessing and frustrated more and more with passage of time.

Phase 4: Frustrated husband goes legal: sends letter, legal notice, Section 9(RCR), or divorce

1. Earlier we used to see women filing IPC 498A or DV cases after phase 3. It seems within last couple of years the trend has shifted towards not filing any case on husband, but just keeping quiet and letting the husband initiate something.

2. Usually husband approaches some advocate for advice and the usual advice of advocates is to use the law to bring wife back. If they sense the husband to be totally unhappy with married life, they may suggest to apply for divorce sensing his frustration. What else can an advocate suggest anyway? As the saying goes: when the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail! Since advocates are trained to think in legal solutions to problems, they give people a legal solution. And most people take it. I must add that there are some advocates who suggest not to file any case but that maybe is seen only in 5% of cases. And although they have given a wise advice, the husband probably thinks that a lawyer who is not giving a legal solution to his problems is not a good lawyer, so he promptly finds another lawyer who tells him what he wants to hear!

3. So depending on the legal approach taken by husband, he may send a letter/legal notice to ask wife to come back, or take more legal route by filing RCR (restitution of conjugal rights) under Section 9 of HMA (Hindu Marriage Act), or he may file for divorce itself.

4. Usually what happens next is never expected by husband. It is never told by lawyers too. Upon filing of any case like RCR or divorce, wife can ask for maintenance under Section 24 of HMA. But these days it is not the preferred route. Usually they file a CrPC 125 or a DV (domestic violence) case on husband. Both are meant to get maintenance.

5. Filing IPC 498A by wife/in-laws at this stage itself is becoming a bit less popular. But usually filing IPC 498A is very common after husband files for divorce.

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