Question: Guys how to handle situation when wife files an RCR ?
To rejoin or not to rejoin, that is the question
Yesterday in family court I saw a ‘play’ being enacted, husband and his lawyer on one side, and on the other side was the wife talking by herself. The wife was saying that she wants to come back — the word being used was ‘rejoin’. The judge was trying to impress upon husband the necessity to explore all the possibilities including rejoining. Rejoin sounds like a very nice word, but if someone’s coming back can lead to rejoining with misery and life of daily frustrations, then that’s not a rejoining we would like to go for, isn’t it?
To give a background of above case which can be similar to many people’s situations, the husband was first to file divorce, then brought wife back after mediation. Wife used this opportunity of having come back to husband’s house to file 498A and Domestic violence cases on him and parents. Now after all these years, husband learnt how to fight back and kept on reducing maintenance amount. So by now the wife thought that it is difficult to get any money, and maybe it’s best to get back because there are no great number of husbands lined up anyway for ex-498A and DV wives! So what’s her future?
What lies in future for husband who takes wife back?
What is future of wife after filing 498A, DV, CrPC 125 is for her and her matriarchal/feminist and white knight patrons to decide. In this post we are concerned about what are various possibilities which unfold for husbands who take wives back.
Wife as Terminator?
Possibility 1: Wife stays for 2 weeks to 2 months, and then files fresh cases on husband
This is the most common scenario which usually unfolds. What usually happens is that the first time the wife had left the husband’s house ‘too early’ in some sense, and she didn’t plan out properly what to write in her DV petition or even IPC 498A. So she feels that her petition is not too strong or weighty, and maybe it’s time to get back for a short while, and prepare a proper petition with lots of incidents of ‘torture’, ‘cruelty’, and so on when she leaves the house for second time and finally.
Another scenario which happens is that sometimes this is a crude tactic used by feminist/matriarchal trained daughters to control the husband by launching the nuclear missile of 498A very early on in marriage. Yes! For all purposes, they are thinking that this filing of 498A is just a control/negotiation/bargaining tool to get the husband to learn his place in the house with them (read pet dog). They ‘genuinely’ feeeeel that husband will soon learn his lesson and be begging on his knees to do her bidding from here on till eternity.
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Another scenario which is getting unfolded more and more is that women are leaving the husbands’ house, asking for divorce and settlement amount with hidden threats, and if husband doesn’t take action (either divorce or RCR), then the women feel trapped because they thought that husband will cow down with mere hidden threat, agree to ‘mutual’ divorce, but he is holding on waiting to see what actual cases wife wants to file. So these women realize that their original plan didn’t work out, and they need a fresh plan to file cases and for that they need to come back first to husband’s house.
Possibility 2: Wife comes back, kid is born, wife leaves, and fresh round starts
This is another common scenario which is being seen. Especially in Indian society this can work out very well. In Western society, the mindset is that people grow up to adulthood, take responsibility, and then they get married, and later have children. In Indian society, the mindset is a bit reverse with the thinking being that once a person gets married, he or she may ‘automatically’ take up responsibility. The next corollary to this is that if a couple are having problems in marriage, the ‘elderly and wise’ advice is that once the couple have a child, they will learn to live together and take responsibility. Does it make any sense, people?
So anyway what happens is that after an year or two, the wife has left the husband’s house for her mayka/parents’ house with the kid, and they start giving hints to man’s side about ‘mutual’ divorce/settlement. Sometimes they will file CrPC 125 or DV case and ask for maintenance, and our poor man is now really trapped having had the ‘honour’ of having fathered a child for which he has no rights or respect, but he is supposed to shell out money in name of wife (not child!) for many years to come till child is 18 or adult. So practically speaking he becomes a sperm donor and a monthly cash dispensing machine.
With a child being born but wife having left with the kid, most men lose all desire for the child too. They get too preoccupied with how to fight maintenance, or how to get her back but find some ‘safeguards’ or ‘precautions’ so that in future she can’t file cases. All this search for safeguards and precautions is nothing but chasing a mirage. Because when a young woman files complaint against a man, the whole system is geared to listen to her, that’s just the way the conditioning has been done, and it’s not going to change without doing activism for men’s and father’s rights, no matter which lawyer you hire or what tactics you adopt.
Few people fight for visitation/custody of child too. They can upset all the calculations of wife because usually these women (and their divorce industry patrons) never expect that a man will care to fight for child and so on. They have multiple ways possible: e.g. to pay for child’s school fees etc or into separate child’s account, and pay low maintenance to wife, get visitation rights and exercise them.
For all the others, once this situation happens, if the maintenance amount ordered is high, then it is very difficult to get out of it without paying lumpsum settlement. Because getting it reduced is difficult since if the judge reduces it for the wife, he/she may increase it for the child since growing child will have more needs. That’s for the ‘benefit’ of those who have been searching online forums endlessly for ‘how to get out of these cases’ and so on. If the maintenance amount ordered is low, then things can drift like that for many years. In that case, there is a possibility also that wife may tell court that she wants to come back!
Possibility 3: Wife stays for longer duration, maybe 6 months to even 2 years, and then files cases
This is a rare scenario, and I have seen hardly 2-3 cases like this out of hundreds, and in one of them there was child already when wife had left for the first time. In second case, wife came back after giving police complaint but later gave affidavit of her complaint being false and that she wanted to be back with husband.
In third case, there was a mutual 498A ‘compromise’ (the C-word) in front of high court but the couple couldn’t sustain the original spark for more than 1 years after this C-word happened.
So like I maintain, once a woman has even so much gone to police, or complained against husband publicly, or complained to some women welfare committee or other myriad names; that marriage is most likely going to break. Bringing her back, having a kid, and so on will not make any difference. The basic reason is that these women are indoctrinated with feminist/toxic matriarchal mentality and they have no intention or sometimes even capability of creating or sustaining any relationship with any man. I, me, myself is their narcissistic mantra.
Anyone who advises that “a woman doesn’t want to destroy her own marriage” is someone who didn’t step into 21st century.
Now you will be terminated!
Say to wife and CAW cell/judge/mediator/lawyer: Thanks but no thanks
Now we come to the part where if you have decided that you don’t want wife back, but you can not seem to find the right words to express it, or you are facing too much pressure from all the power brokers be it CAW cell, judge, mediator, your own lawyer to take wife back.
Tell them these points:
1. I don’t trust her. You can then explain the reasons why you don’t trust her like: “she came back once only to file DV case on me”, “she said mutual divorce first and later filed 498A on all our family”, and so on.
2. What ifs: What if she comes back and files 498A again on me and parents. Will we get bail? Who can guarantee that we get bail?
What if she comes back and this time she files IPC 377 (unnatural sex, 10 years max punishment) along with IPC 498A and other sections? Will the police refuse to take IPC 377 complaint?
3. She crossed the line (Lakshman Rekha for traditionalists): I had clearly told her that once she takes the problems into legal domain or police, expect nothing but a good fight from me, no matter what comes or how long it takes. I am always true to my word!
rajeev says
September 14, 2018 at 2:20 amHi All,
I am also going through same and it was happening with me for the past 1.5 years since the day 1 of my marriage.
I have 5 months old son as well.
Now I have filled a case for divorce as she dont want to give divorce she wants to harass more.
we already had been through Gram Panchayats as well.
They have done the settlements between both the parties and sent her home with us and with in a week she dragged my Mom and Dad to the police station for Domestic violence.
So now I filled it finally.
Please help me here to understand the procedure.
My layer has filled a case but you all know about the lawyers cant trust them.
videv says
September 15, 2018 at 11:10 pmYou will have to do your own work for understanding divorce procedures. For handling DV and other such cases, start by reading important posts given on right menu, and then go to articles which apply to your situation.
Annonymys says
January 21, 2018 at 6:52 pmFirst I would like to thank every one who contributed to it. It was very surprising that every possibility is captured under 3 cases. Hats off to you all.
Mine fits in Possibility 2.
When the problem became worse I was initial stage of depression and when I contacted psychotherapist I was told that my wife is having personality disorders based on the incident I described.
They have filed RCR and DV under Section 498A pulling in my father, mother and me in the case. I feel I have good evidence to prove I can prove my self innocent.
But it is a common practise for investigating authorities (police or social/family welfare officers) to seek for bribe from both parties? If that is the case how will justice be prevailed?
videv says
January 22, 2018 at 4:14 pmNo need to give bribe to anyone… the practice is common among public actually, who just can’t resist the temptation to curry favour with the mai-baaps
Bhushan Bobade says
September 27, 2017 at 3:08 amI have done a rough calculation of the amount middle class working professionals are losing to thug wives and their families lawyers police judges and the rotten system.
If we assume that this scam started from the year 2000 roughly coinciding with the rise of IT sector and disposable income we can safely say that as much as 40,000 crores may have been sucked by these people till date for FREE from hard working and honest beta males who don’t know the feral dating game.
This will go on till feminism isn’t completely destroyed and normalcy restored in civilisation.
Most of the women (~70%) who fake cases on men are known sufferers of personality disorders (Cluster B) and their parents are complicit in this robbery. And most of these women indeed come from the middle class as most of the time they want to bite more than they can chew and are frustrated to the core.
Aasim says
September 20, 2017 at 3:59 pmHi,
I have been married for 1.3 years. We dont have kids.
My wife is very abusive. She is heavily pampered by her family and would want everything to happen as per her whims. She pick up frequent fights with me for the silliest of reasons. She will get angry for no reason and will be abusing me, cursing me, biting me, pours water on my head. She keeps black mailing me that she will cut her hand, she will have sleeping pills, she will drink phynol etc. Even if I dont have any work, I stay at office till 9, just to avoid her.
And for all silly reasons she will call her dad and tells lies about me.
Her dad is a kind of rowdy with some political background. He always calls and keeps threatening me.
Now, he is asking for a separate house . But I cant do this because both my parents are ill. My father has 60% blockage. I am the elder son, I have to take care of them.
Or, he is asking for 2 crore alumany. Which is just not possible.
They are threatening me that if I dont agree for one of the options, they will file false dowry case against me. I have not taken single rupee from them.
Since marriage, My wife and her father are mentally torturing me on daily basis. My parents are also very tensed.
I am fed up of all this. I cant take this anymore.
If any thing happens to me, it is because of my wife and my father-in-law. Please suggest me what to do.
-Aasim
videv says
October 1, 2017 at 9:59 pm>>Her dad is a kind of rowdy with some political background. He always calls and keeps threatening me.
For that you have to record and complain to police, or just complain at least. Just saying “anything happens to me…” is not enough.
prish says
February 15, 2018 at 12:35 pmYou neeed to record everything. send her for holiday. Put CCtv camera in house takes just one day. record record record. then complain. no one will believe you otherwise.
krish says
June 28, 2017 at 9:51 pm>>>In second case, wife came back after giving police complaint but later gave affidavit of her complaint being false and that she wanted to be back with husband.
I know that such cruel and unscrupulous wife will definitely first come back using the above point and there is a high chance that the drama will being all over again.
But I would like to know your thoughts on the same on below points.
– what kind of affidavit bounds a wife where she admits that the complaints filed were false.
– how can such an affidavit protect a husband if false complaint drama starts again.
– how much value such an affidavit has got in the law of the land.
videv says
June 29, 2017 at 4:49 pmJust forget that any affidavit of any kind from wife will protect from further false cases. At maximum, you can bring on record that she has filed false cases so far (nothing about future). Read details in this post:
http://menrightsindia.net/2016/04/how-to-safeguard-from-false-cases-by-wifepart-1.html
Since affidavits are usually denied later, a better way is to get newspaper apology along with affidavit:
http://menrightsindia.net/2016/08/templateformat-for-newspaper-apology-by-wife-for-filing-false-complaint-or-cases.html
A Srivastava says
April 24, 2017 at 9:32 pmHi All, I am working in MNC and on overseas managerial assignments, i am extremely ward working and achieved mile stones as young leader, after i decide to marriage to live a happy romantic life.
After all happen in past 2.5 years i can say i was trapped with this marriage and now suffocating like a “fish in trap”. I was aware about behavior of fiance but could not show courage to cancel the marriage , and go with some bull sit theoretical philosophy that after marriage as we will take girl on care love with good behaviors etc….”rubbished”
I took her with my resident country, every weekend outing, then visit many resorts travel another country(dream life for an middle class girls) etc but every trip goes wrong because of her behavior. She has horrific behavior and disrespect for me. some one told the child will change the cruel lady when she become “Maa” but this become now her biggest blackmailing weapon to threat me and play with my emotion.
When yo see all your life achievement motivation inspiration hope for future broke up what is result …depression anger anxiety looking towards liqueur smoke sitting alone and crying to see your son old pics and i finally declared “diabetic” this is result of one year of marriage.
well i have same pattern as other stories, and thinking about legal separation soon and will fight for custody of my son.
I am requesting the admin of this forum that now this forum has to leverage to the seminar gathering media coverage etc. Man suffering from wife cruelty are 80-90% from middle class well cultured family loving guys who are direct contributing in the growth of the organization and they responsible for some how many people job there family.
I give my example i was having 2 year business growth plan to 30-40% and add 2-3 new employee in team. and all my initiative couldn’t successes yet because of my 2.5 year of depression and now i have threat to loose my position and downgrade.
There will be thousands of cases, its National issue!. Harassment of the Men are direct link to the national interest. and this forum has to go to next level as national movement.
videv says
April 27, 2017 at 11:52 am>>I am requesting the admin of this forum that now this forum has to leverage to the seminar gathering media coverage etc.
Sorry to hear but media is least bothered or doesn’t consider news worthy any problems or injustice faced by men. Give them a news of woman abandoned by NRI husband, a rape (media will even create it out of thin air like in Murthal during Jat agitation), and they are ready to report it in repeated loop on TV etc. Some blame has to be shared by public too who are eager to go after such news even after knowing that media reports many fake stories.
>>I give my example i was having 2 year business growth plan to 30-40%
The problem is males are the disposable gender. If a few males fail, then they can be written off as ‘losers’ and society will look forward to other more capable males taking up the slack/burden. Better to get on feet and get some meaningful child custody /access.
S.Nair says
August 22, 2017 at 1:46 pmSir,
i can find myself in you, since i too belong to almost the same professional background as that of you. Tragedy stuck me 9 years ago, and had undergone all possible legal crap- Divorce, RCR, 498A, Child custody, Child abuse.. you name it i am there.
It is upto you to decide what you want. Remember.. you are a proven professional, you can have all your career back if you have a straight head. With this fact in mind consider the below opinions of mine:
you want your wife to be back with you? Almost close to impossible. If i were you “now”, i wouldnt mind spending a lumpsum amount and getting rid of her at the earliest opportunity. Courts will invariably stand for the women.
Do you want child? Really? really?……what for?….blood relation and sentiments are a matter of 18th century.. no longer valid. You can get married again and can have any number of children as you wish in future.. hopefully a decent wife as well.
Now.. the proud, brave, patriotic man inside you gets up…WTF.. decision made…you will not give up, you will fight till you get justice…damn.. hell.. your next 12 years gone with the wind.
more details needed? reach out to me by email.
Hope you take a wise decision.. not an emotional one.
VK Australia says
March 24, 2016 at 7:07 amI 100% agree with you. If a wife is up to drag her so called loving husband to court for false criminal cases. She will do it again. If any men take such wife back then for sure he is putting is own and his family’s life in great danger. On top of that, husband and his family will have no respect in society as they will be considered a “C” people. Its not compromise its COWARD. I personally believe its worth fight the case and then be insulted in your own eyes.
Moreover, such couple cant give any better future to their children. As the child will find out in very early age that his parents and not in good term. Father don’t respect his/her maternal grand parents and mother does the same for his/her parental grand parents. moreover no relatives would like to be part of such family, i.e. no social life!!
Love could be developed again and again but once the respect is gone, its gone forever!!
Ashok says
October 1, 2015 at 2:51 pmGood information for those people who are affected by false cases i.e 498A
Mohamed Azarudeen says
June 11, 2015 at 2:19 pmSplendid article which is quintessential for men who are struggling due to abominable wife, of course me.