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Men ki Baat – Counselling, Discussion of personal cases on WhatsApp and Facebook

14 Jan 2015 By

Update 9th Jan 2016: Many people are sending joining requests in Facebook group hoping to get some knowledge and shared expertise about divorce.  MRI WhatsApp and Facebook groups are NOT meant for discussion on divorce, since that is not part of our men’s rights and social work.  And most people have no clue about how to get divorce themselves that they can help someone else, not that they would want to anyway.  Read this post on Dangers of filing divorce by husbands — and if you are still keen to do so, then only paid guidance is given at Man to Man Solutions.

Update 03/07/2018: Whatsapp groups are now open again for new members

WhatsApp group for chat and sharing with others

We have started an online community in form of WhatsApp group where members can discuss and share with other members.  It’s now structured as a self-supporting community and admin will only act as facilitator – for adding/removing group members, and ensuring guidelines are being followed.

Also, now it is mandatory to send photo identity and mobile number proof (the same number which is used by WhatsApp) by following instructions in the WhatsApp group guidelines at page below.  Click for details on page below only if you are interested in joining the group.

http://menrightsindia.net/guidelines-whatsapp-group-sessions

(note: password is MRI)

Note: WhatsApp group is primarily for sharing and talking with other group members.  For posting full story/case to get legal answers and opinions, use Facebook group below.

Facebook group for discussions

Facebook group is the preferred mode for discussion of full story/case.  Questions/case can be posted any time and usually comments are given within same day.  To join the group, do both of the following:

  1. Fill up the form here: Men Rights India FB group joining Form
  2. Then send a join request to this group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/MenRightsIndia  Note: To join Facebook group, filling up form in Step 1 is mandatory.  We ignore all those who send group join request without filling up the joining form.
  3. Read below the guidelines to follow once your request to the group is approved (go to end of post to read Facebook group guidelines).

    http://menrightsindia.net/guidelines-whatsapp-group-sessions

    (note: password for above page is MRI)

  4. After you are approved to the Facebook group, you have to call one of verifying admin team within 15 days so the admins can verify the person.  Those who don’t call will be removed and permanently blocked from joining group again.  Thereafter, for all members who are mostly inactive in group, will need to call a verifying admin every 3 months (you can set a 3 months repeating reminder etc in calendar).  The numbers of verifying admins are given inside Facebook group.
  5. Filling the mobile number in form in Step 1 is necessary and we may call random numbers to check that people are genuine who they claim to be.

 

Following people will not be approved to our Facebook group:

1. Advocates (you can join our email newsletter as given later below, or Like the Facebook page given below).

2. Non persons, like a profile with company name, business etc.

3. Those who just want to hang around in yet another Facebook group.  This group is specifically created for counselling, guidance, discussion of cases; not hanging around or sharing forwards.

Why both WhatsApp and Facebook?

Primary benefit of Facebook group:  Facebook group is mainly meant to answer questions raised by members giving their full details in this prescribed format (password is MRI).  Each post has its own thread of discussion and that’s a major advantage over WhatsApp, where it becomes difficult to track who is replying to whom.

Primary benefit of WhatsApp group: To share experience and discuss with other members about anything e.g. experience at CAW cell/PS, how much is your lawyer charging for xyz, to meet up with individual members from same city, and so on.  So it’s better for people to people chats, and sharing of experience with lawyer, CAW, police, whatever else on wants to talk about.

Note: Your activity in Facebook closed groups is not visible to your friends or show on their walls, if anyone can prove it otherwise send us a screenshot and we will give a reward of Rs 500!  It’s just that people don’t think of Facebook for anything private.  No one has claimed that reward so far, even though many people keep repeating like parrots that if it’s Facebook it must be visible to public!


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No escape from responsibility, do basic homework first

Also, we strongly recommend that you read up the bare act of the IPC sections in your FIR like 498a, 406, 506, 323, 377, 376, Or maintenance, Sec 9 HMA, CrPC125, DV Act, other as applicable before joining the online chat. All these are online.  Now most of these bare acts are on MRI itself on links below:

http://menrightsindia.net/bare-acts/ipc-498a-bare-act

http://menrightsindia.net/bare-acts/crpc-125-bare-act

http://menrightsindia.net/bare-acts/the-protection-of-women-from-domestic-violence-act-2005-bare-act

http://menrightsindia.net/bare-acts/hindu-marriage-act-1955-bare-act

Similarly, there are others online. It is very important to read bare act e.g. IPC 498a is commonly called Dowry Harassment case. But if you read the bare act, the word dowry is not mentioned. Then why does it get called dowry harassment case? Because dowry harassment is a form of cruelty, and IPC 498a deals with cruelty on wife. So IPC 498a is basically about cruelty on wife, not only about dowry demands; but that is an easy weapon used by feminist/matriarchal families because the ‘evil’ ‘dowry’ is such a convenient allegation to make in Indian ‘male dominated’ (actually dominated males), ‘patriarchal’ (actually women-protecting and men-sacrificing) society.

Familiarize yourselves with some of the important posts on MRI site as given on top right menu. Also given at page below:

http://menrightsindia.net/important-posts

Why these WhatsApp and Facebook groups?

The idea of these discussions is to empower and enable people to handle their own lives, and their own cases. Who are we to tell anyone what they should do or not do? But there is a wealth of wisdom available with MRAs, and we should all share it within this community. There may be judgments available online, but there is far more wisdom with people who are scattered all over, and the only way to tap into that is to create a community and a trusted network. Also, for every judgment in husband’s favour, there will be 5-10 others in wife’s favour, so merely collecting citations and judgments without giving right evidence at right time doesn’t work out.

The idea of the group came because we see that people may email us, or get some initial counselling over the phone; but after we are not sure whether they stayed in touch with any other activists, whether they went to any weekly meetings or not?, and so on…

Also, the whole effort of some seem to be directed to somehow beat the wife using legal techniques, or some judgements. They are in for rude shock when they find that filing RCR or divorce etc did not work as intended, but instead they have to handle more cases by wife, and they find it difficult even to manage their own lawyer who is getting paid by them!

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Comments

  1. My wife left me and start living separately, she took her 4 yr old son along with her. S
    he has not filled any case yet and not even she is agreeing for divorce. She want to live without me and with child but not willing for divorce neither She is allowing me to meet child, whenever i ask to meet child she says that she will file criminal case in police
    What should i do to meet his child?
    How can i take divorce from her?
    How can I safe guard himself, since she is living alone since more than 6 months now?

    • >>What should i do to meet his child?
      Legal route like filing GWC is only option, because she won’t let you meet child otherwise.

      >>How can i take divorce from her?
      Try reading my book on divorce if you want to seriously pursue this: http://www.amazon.in/dp/B010IXOM02/ref=nosim?tag=menrigind-cm_div-21

      >>How can I safe guard himself

      Legally there is no 100% foolproof safeguard from wife, that’s the price of marriage men have to pay. If one could safeguard from criminal law, then the criminals will be first to use that safeguard and commit whatever crime they want to. Read this site, Join the community instead of hoping to get complete solution through a comment.

      Further comments are disabled now.

  2. Hello Sir,

    My Name is Amar pal, Please add me on What’s App Group. I am Facing the False Cases like DV, 498a. I am living in Delhi. and my parents living in bareilly

    my mobile number is = 09711905934

  3. Hello Admin,

    My Name is Subhash, Please add me on What’s App Group. I am Facing the False Cases like DV, 498a. I am living in Pune.
    Also a member of Pune MRA group.

    Mobile# 9096017977

  4. Let me share my story & concerns with you. I got married in 2002 & had my first baby (Daughter) in May 2004. My first wife was very had working and a profession woman working with an IT firm on microprocessor designing. I had very good relation with her but unfortunately in October 2009 during delivery our second baby (Son) she expired due to illness within 12 hours of the delivery. It was shock & a great loss for me. My parents started looking both the kids & after one and a half year in May 2011 , I re-married. My second wife used to work as a teacher. She got divorced from her first marriage in 1999. Her first marriage lasted just 6 months & her first husband ditched her (As per her version) and took away all her marriage gifts. Later from 1999 till 2011 she was living alone and teaching in different schools. She didn’t had any kid from her first marriage.

    We came in contact through a matrimonial website & has courtship period of 6 months during which, we talked a lot over phone & met only 3 to 4 times before marriage, reason being she was working in faraway town. Before marriage I disclosed everything to her about my first marriage, my 2 kids & myself living separately from my parents during my first marriage. To my best knowledge I informed her honestly everything about my past.

    Now after this marriage my daughter didn’t get well with my second wife however as my son was very small so she accepted him a little well. After my 2nd marriage I initially lived along with my parents so that she gets the time to understand well my parents and kids but unfortunately my wife could not adjust with my parents so I moved out from my parents house to my old house with my kids where I used to live with my first wife. Here in this house we spent 3 years. During this periods whenever she went to her parents house, which is far away in another town she never turned up in time & every time gave me different excuses like maids are not working properly or kids are not treating her well, specially my daughter & lot of other reasons. All the time I convinced her in all the ways even gave her all the financial support a separate car and all the basic amenities to make her life as much as comfortable which she appreciated but never got adjusted with the environment.

    It is very difficult to explain all the points in detail but to make you understand my situation I am writing you in brief.

    Now since 10th of June this year when she went to her parents house again till date she has not come back. This time she has become so much adamant that all my steps to convince her have failed. I even went to her house & had a discussion in details on all the points but she is so rigid & decided that she wants to get separated.

    I also tried through all my friends & relatives but she is not ready to listen. The worst part is, when I asked her to go for mediation for reconciliation she even refused the same. I asked her how we can decide who is right or wrong in his or her part until an unbiased person sits & listen to our problems. I also said that I am ready to listen & mend my mistakes provided she also put her step forward to do the same, but again she is not ready for anything.

    Initially every one told me to give her time & space, she will come back but nothing changed. In this last 4 to 5 months I was then one who was contacting her or taking first step to write her through SMS or what’s up messaging. Whenever I wrote to her, she always wrote back in –ve words.

    Here I would like to say that she loves me lot but my circumstances are not allowing her to settle down. She is even loyal to me.

    Now I feel I have tried all my efforts & very thing seems to failed.

    I have heard somewhere that you should keep on trying & one day you will definitely succeed so to my maximum energy or knowledge or support from people like you I will keep on trying till date we get separated legally (As per her wish not mine).

    After going through my story if you can suggest please do write to me. If you have any query please ask me frankly.

    Once again in advance, thanks for your support.

    Regards,
    Arun Wadhera

    • No. my assessment is that she wants to live separate. Basically you kept agreeing to all her demands, and it stretched the things a bit more. Maybe now she is totally bored of even making more demands!

      • As she is not responding or contacting me any more, what next step I should take?
        Someone suggested me to send a notice through Legal Cell so that she can come for mediation. Will it be right step?
        Even I have tried my best to invite her for mediation through her family members but that too she refused.
        In this past 5 months she never asked me for any financial help neither filled any case on me nor threatened me for any divorce.
        She says we will live separately. As it is also her second marriage so she even do not want to take divorce again.
        When I insist her to take a decision to be this side or that side so she says you prepare papers for mutual divorce & she will come & sign it but I doubt she is not going to sign it so easily.
        Tell me how I can convince her to come & sit & take a final decision on this matter. After all for how much time we can live separate. She is indipandent whereas I have responsibility of my small kids & parents.

        Please advice.

        Regards,
        Arun Wadhera

        • I don’t know of any way to convince her or anyone else for that matter. Besides, these comments are not meant for multiple replies and chat, you can join Facebook group if you want to discuss.

    • Hi Arun

      My case is similar to your only difference is mine and her is a first marriage. I tried everything providing her luxury and all support but I think she wants to be more dominant and never be wrong. My wife is trying to change the way boys and girls family behave. I understand she doesn’t want her parents to be felt inferior because they are girls parents but i think it has broken our marriage.

      My wife has also tried to adjust but i think there’s something in her mind which suggest her that she needs to be independent. I have a big family and all closely bonded. She thinks that my family interfere in our lives but its quite obvious that when live together we all have different views but she needs to understand if my family interfering it must be for our good.
      Now after reading many posts I understand that women uses several techniques to control husband mine did it emotionally by crying and then I melted down.
      Until recently mine not did for money but just to get her independence. In all fairness I loved the fact that she’s independent, bold and intelligent. After reading many posts I think she wanted me to be a boy of her family and treat her parents like mine which I would have loved to do that but problems are her mother is not a good mother she never objected daughter’s doing anything. Her father thinks that he’s the only person on earth with principles but in real life he needs to be practical both families need to respect each other.
      My wife used to say that she doesn’t feel home here and wants to go back her parents house. Everytime I ask her what she wanted she says bring my mother emotionally. She used to discuss these things with her I feel its her mother’s fault not to counsel her to accept that this is the only home you have.
      Mother’s have huge role to play in any daughter’s character/behaviour.
      As vivek suggested in your case your wife wants to live separately and independently mine looks like a same. Now a days girls have had boyfriends before marriage if not only one and after marriage they try to compare their marriage with previous relationships. I predict more couple will divorce in coming years
      After reading different people cases I start to believe that we have to change ourselves as well little bit because girls are now a days different than they were 10-15 years ago. While discussing my problem with my friend he made a point that these days most of the girls are professional & working and only comes to home to sleep because they can get all the fun at office. We boys have a responsibility of our parents.
      Both of us are loyal to each other she even used to ask me each & everything even though she’s very intelligent.
      In couple of posts I read girls wanted to boy to live their parents mine could be same as well since she was more of boy in her family taking decision and doing the outside work what normally men do, here she doesn’t have to do. May be because of this she’s loosing interest
      I am getting bit emotional here because I think neither party is on fault but its the different thinking. Mine is a clear case of compatibility issue no matter how harder I try she used to complain many times if not all the times.
      We have been separated but I still love her and can’t thinking living without her but I also know living with her is not easy as well. But I guess I am not the only one who’s going through with this.
      Looks like these girls only try these techniques when they feel we men are vulnerable I haven’t heard any story where these scenarios happened with goons type of men. In those scenarios girls tries to get rid of that guy as soon as possible rather try to get something out of divorce from good working class boys.
      I am sure she will file some cases against me and I am ready to FIGHT emotionally, bluntly and professionally.

      In our cases this perfectly fits “MONEY CANNOT BUY LOVE & PEACE”. I used to think otherwise.

      Rahul

  5. Hello! Am Mrs Keya Das, Principal accused in 498a along with my only son. Also charged with FALSE DV. Please add me in FB and also Whatsapp.Am a regular Twitter too– Keyadas63.
    Thanks and Regards

  6. My wife has shifted to her fathers place on grounds that she cannot adjust with my parents and will stay with me only if I stay separately. She has also taken along my daughter, who is 2years 7months old,.
    I am not ready to stay separately, as I am the only child and have my responsibilities for my parents.
    Though my wife is staying with her parents, along with my child, I always make it a point that I bear all expenses of my child.
    I was going through an article on this webpage about Ms. Maria and her trail. The article said the vice versa can also be done in case of a man. Can I too get to do the same. If yes, pls detail/guide me on the same.

  7. Dear Moderator, My Son and his wife got married in October 2012 at Bangalore and now living in Chennai. She is giving mental torture to my son.
    Can my son apply for divorce at this time.
    Please advise with your valuable advise to proceed further with divorce.

  8. Hello,
    I seek your expert advice in my case . I am US H1-Visa holder and got married to an Indian citizen in India last year. I was in India for less than a week for his wedding and the marriage was registered in India.
    I now want to seek divorce with my wife on grounds of Incompatibility and personality clashes. I am currently in the USA and my wife is also in US
    What are the laws and my rights as a NRI if I seek this divorce? Should I pursue the case in US or in India or wait? This may NOT be a case of mutual consent as the wife does not agree to a divorce. If the wife does file for divorce in India, can he be represented in the Indian courts without travelling to India?
    The current situation is that the girl’s family are threatening harassment and legal actions against the extended family that still resides in India, and the girl is not willing to grant a divorce & wants to patch things up. This was a marriage based on good faith and there is no dowry / physical abuse involved; But we would like to get your advice on what harm a revengeful and angry bride and her family can do to me and our family.
    Sincerely,
    awaiting your responses.
    p.s. I was searching for sites to find expert legal advice online in such situations as a NRI looking for Indian legal help. My thanks to the group that started this website and all the participants in advance.

    • >>my wife on grounds of Incompatibility and personality clashes.

      Not possible under HMA.

      What harm can she potentially do? No one knows… but pray she doesn’t commit suicide etc. That’s IPC 304B on you.

      That she is working is huge boon, to reduce future maintenance.

      For divorce advice, you may want to talk to lawyers so that may make you feel you got your money’s worth.

  10. Please add me on n WhatsApp, my number is 9867333084. I am from Mumbai. I am filing divorce next month.

  14. Please add me on n WhatsApp, my number is 9619571795. I am from Mumbai. I am filing divorce next month.

    • The instructions are very clearly given in the post above on how to get added… but I guess your divorce filing next month is keeping them hidden from view!

    • Hi Amaresh,

      Me too from Kolkata. What is your case?? Have you taken any legal action?? If yes, then pls guide me too.

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