Allegation in false cases by wives that “my husband is impotent” is not a new weapon, but it seems to be getting very common these days. So I thought to write a post solely on this topic.
Typically this allegation will be made in a petition filed under DV Act (domestic violence) by wife. But it is very much possible that such an allegation may be made under CrPC 125 or even IPC 498A. Because usually when the 498A/DV women start to think what to file in complaint, they are ‘ably’ assisted by ‘learned’ lawyers (read any online lawyers forum) who ‘advise’ them to file complaint under so and so section, and so on.
If you are the respondent husband or accused with such allegation made against you, the whole strategy has to be completely changed from here on.
Medical definition of impotence
http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Impotence
Impotence, often called erectile dysfunction, is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection long enough to engage in sexual intercourse.
Definition of erectile dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction (ED), formerly known as impotence, is the inability to achieve or maintain an erection long enough to engage in sexual intercourse.
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So let’s move on. I have clearly articulated my stance against any so called compromise to bring back wife when a legal case gets filed against a husband. The reasons are also outlined in various important posts on this site. Only in case of maybe a CrPC 125 without serious allegations, a compromise may be attempted, but I am saying it only as an exception for those with great urge to try to give marriage one more chance. In practical experience any future rapprochement with stable marriage has not been seen from cases seen by MRAs. Also, in many cases after such a ‘compromise’, the couple has a child and once the wife leaves after having the child, the husband basically become responsible in some way for having made a bad decision for the child too! Not to mention his legal position becomes that much more complex all for the ‘crime’ of having given wife a second chance.
Actually, when wife alleged impotence on husband which is not true, she is signalling to him that she doesn’t want to come back under any scenario. Also, such an allegation would have been made as a joint decision of her parents and family members, and looking at gravity of the allegation, they are all in acting in unison to destroy your reputation and possibly your future marriage prospects if you don’t handle it well. So many husbands think that my wife is being misled by her parents, they don’t want to acknowledge that she has decided who she wants to be led by, and it’s not her husband!
Following things need to be done whenever faced with allegation of impotence:
- Of course deny it completely in your written statement/objection to her main petition. Do not listen to lawyer that we will do some mediation or some such BS. How will mediation remove this allegation against you?
- There is no need to go for any potency test or such thing at time of filing objection. That is a matter of husband’s evidence or wife’s cross-exam and that stage comes much later after wife’s evidence is over. Count maybe 2 years and more for family court cases.
- If wife has made this allegation in any open forum, social media like Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp etc and it has spread all around, then you may have to seriously consider filing defamation and damages at some point of time. If it is on an online forum, then you could use Information Technology Act Sec 66A to proceed against wife too. Because such an allegation could destroy your future chances of marriage, and even if one doesn’t want to remarry, such an allegation can’t be left to disappear on its own with passage of time. There are many such cases and one of them is here: Wife to pay 2 lakh damages for alleging husband was impotent
- Do not entertain any other ‘offer’ of compromise, financial settlement, mutual consent divorce because even if you accept it, the word may leak out that your first marriage broke because of impotence. Try proving people wrong once they have made opinion about you based on ‘reliable’ grapevine!
- Make it as a major point during any ‘mediation’ proceedings that it is you the husband/respondent/accused who needs to be compensated to a sum of Rs 10 Crore because such an allegation is made against you.
As regards other parts of petition like maintenance demand, read the other posts.
My wife filed 498a, 406,504, 323 abd 34 case on me and my family one year before. Now case trial just started. When case is in police stn and now in court so many her relatived and some gundas called us to compromise case and give her divorce as well as mentally harrased and use bad words threaten language when we not agree their words and refuse to compromise we decided to fight the case. When we approached police stn where case has been filed IO not consider single evidence against her, she used so many people against us to threaten and harrassed to get money with compromise. Can i use this calls of threaten and harrasement as a evidence during trial in court.
Yes you can, but not for just “mental harassment” which is too commonly used to cover anything unpleasant – they may say that the talk was about settlement and a genuine ‘offer’. But more importantly any serious threat or extortion type of event should be reported to police (send to SP by speed post if police doesn’t take complaint).
Hi sir,
Im married and stayed 45 days in wife house after the marriage in these time we have tried for intercourse but she said that she is getting pain then she is avoiding me ad not showing any interest then made complaint against to me to their parents like I’m impotent, they bring me to doctor and did all medical tests and doctor said its normal and advised me to use tablet and he advised my wife to use gel at Bath time but she scolded me that you are the reason about this situation she and her parents blamed me like im impotent in front of my parents and relatives finally she sent notice that I’m cheater and asking for componsation and also mention the notice I took dowry from them but actually they have not even given nothing to me or my family. Please suggest me how to face this situation
They want to get alimony and also get the certificate of non-consummated marriage!
Get written proof or audio recording at least that she said you are impotent.
Based on that itself, one can get divorce since it’s a serious false allegation and mental cruelty. However the law doesn’t allow filing divorce before 1 year, except there is a clause for filing before 1 year which is used very rarely but you can try that.
If you have proof that she has a medical condition that she has hidden, annulment can be filed based on ground of fraud in marriage. Many a time such women have some medical problem.
You should be the one asking for compensation. Because of her you will get divorcee tag.
For other allegations, you have to deal based on merits (there is none in theirs!).
Sir, i got married to my far relative girl in 2015 as per hindu rituals and i am from karnataka. In about 2.5-3 years my wife tortured me lot verbally and mentally by scolding me ,blackmailing for me to get separated from my parents. she scolded me as hopeless husband when i told my parents that she attempted suicide by trying to drink harpic and once kept knife on her wrist to fear me. she left home 3 times. i consoled her all the time but she showed me no respect and to my mother. she gas lied on every one at home and my all relatives. When i took her to her native for a function, i told her elder brother not to send her, because she is very arrogant.She had Hyperthyroid, kidney stone, PCOD, previously she got scanned 3 times to check for pregnancy. Later to cover her mistakes, she told his brother that i am impotent. Later in a discussion her brother said the same that we have cheated them, because i am impotent and got married. He told to get my medical report, if it is normal he told he will get divorce papers signed by his sister.
after 2 days i got tested semen analysis and genital parts. everything is normal. Now i want divorce, but they are not ready to give. Even i dont have any written proof for the allegation made, however some audio is there in which i discussed with her uncle about this matter. He was present during face to face discussion and he agreed that what the girl’s side alleged is wrong and there is none of my mistake.
Kindly help, can i file for divorce, what can i do
You can always file for divorce buddy, but that’s not part of our grand plan to help men get divorce, so you may want to self-help and/or read this book as reference:
Guide for Men on Divorce, Cruelty, Desertion, Annulment(only in Kindle Edition)
This Article is actually true and on current situations faced by men all over. There r so many womens who r just blindly claiming Impotence against their husbands. Either they dont wanna stay with husband or they just have some problem in them which they cant accept.
I have faced a similar case since June 2017.
I got married in Jan 2016.
I was surprised when my wife suddenly preferred not to return back to my home.
After communicating with her she totally ignored to come back or compromise.
In Oct 2017 she sent me a notice of claiming me as impotent as well as fake stories of me hitting her private parts…Which was so horrible to read and that she stayed with me only 6 months which was FAKE.
Good that i had so many photos clicked throughout the year.2016 to may 2017.
After which we people met and discussed and thankfully her father spoke about notice being false.
Good that i recorded the communication.
my wife straight away discussed of not coming back.
we again gave her time to think and suddenly she started making emotional games with my father.
Then finally when i collected her call record with me where she had been extremely rude on calls and no sympathy even after i met with my accident.
Finally when i spoke to her again she was totally quite on call when i asked her did i ever hurt her? and she said NO that was the best ever could happen.
But i am so hurted that i dont wanna get her back now.
She has already spoiled my image in society without any knowledge of how a legal notice affects anyones career too.
I just would request all mens to be careful and keep enough records.
call record..Video records of wife’s cruelty. Whatsapp screen shots. Whatsapp rude status…whatever possible.There more your wife behaves cruel the more u keep records.
Keep a proper watch on how a women can make issues unnecessarily in your life.
Hi,
In my case, my relative’s husband is actually impotent and he also knows it but he and his family torture her mentally saying there is problem in her
Could you please help how to get through this
It’s been 10months since marriage.
He threatening us of by attempting suicide and pointing at her as the reason
Please suggest how to handle situation n get divorced
Impotence in husband can be deemed mental cruelty for divorce, and if hidden before marriage can be ground for annulment.
File in court and take divorce ….why to waste time at least she should have not waste het time in 10 months afterall ….subject to hear both sides …
Respected Sir
I am a married guy and i got married as pr hindu customs & ritual on JUne 2012 it was a arrange marriage, after the marriage i deliver all my responsibilities which a husband bound to do i.e After marriage i sponsor my wife a good career i.e i sponsor and funded her to complete her M.Com and beared all the expenses for the competative exam, i taken her a 2 romantic trip in 4 year of marriage full fill her all petty and major desire what she demanded, but after 4 year of marriage and multiple intercourse between us she left the matrimonial home on Jan 27 2017 by quarreling with me on the day of leaving she called her mother and both left the home with all the gold jewellery and some cash which i kept with her.Now after 4 month of leaving the matrimonial home she file a DV case against me in her hometown stating that i am impotent, whereas she was suffering with some internal problem in her ovary which was getting diagnose in a corporate hospital, after she file DV i got summon in the month of May 17 which i unable to digest in this tenure of filling the DV i tried my best to bring her back but she dont want to come back and literally i tried to find out the cause of sudden change in the behaviour and come to know that she was much interested in extra marital affairs which was discover in the college where she was working a professor and this Job she got with the assiatance of mine and there the Principal and staff know about my wife character and this was also discover in her Mobile phone where there are few pics with a boy in restaurant and some objection SMs from the Boy and exhange of phone calls between both of them. Now as part of court procedding the court suggested for district court conunselling center where we have 2 different session of counselling but in both the couselling she is not ready to come with me hence in the 2nd counselling i shown that pics and messages to the counselling officer, to hide my wife ugly and dirty face she filled a DV against me and to settle this case she and her parents demanding 10 lacs from me which i dont have to give. Please suggest what will be the court view on this case
Court will take whatever view but you have to be clear about your stand about taking wife back. If you tell court you are willing to take her back, then her past behaviour will get condoned by you and you may be unable to raise objection again on that. Basically, the system is very strict on husbands, you can’t make decisions based on emotions and then hope someone will give sympathy or consideration based on that.
Are all indian women so morally corrupt?What are the chances that I’d end up with an abusive wife?What can undo to avoid ending up in such embarrassing situations esp when such false allegations are levelled against me?
If you are not impotent, then don’t be embarrassed and maybe suggest your wife must be nymphomaniac whose sexual lust can’t be satisfied by any normal man 😀
Hi, my wife and me both are govt job holders .my marriage was happened in April 2016. After marriage ,approx 20-25 days we were live together ,that also in break wise manner ,means 5 days th8s month ,5 days may month later.
In the month of nov 2016, she message me that I have impotency. She has continued quarrel on this ,two times I have shown to doctor and result has not shown any impotency .
Actually when we live together ,my wife was never intimated towards sex .every time I insists and she told diffrent cause such as hot weather conditions etc . Even many times I have quarrel on bed .
Now she and her family is straightway blaming on me impotency ,,and want mutual divorce ,but she and her family rumored about me that I have impotency etc. I have strongly oppose the mutual concern divorce unless she and her family member not given any written maafi nama to me that her allegation is totally fault and baseless ,we r not concerned with divorce . Also she has not come to my home from nov 2016 to till date.
Any thing else we can do ?pls guide
This is a technique being used by many women these days that they will create hurdles in way of consummation of marriage, and later blame husband to be impotent when in fact there is nothing like that.
You have to stick to your stand. One could even file divorce citing a false allegation of impotence as cruelty (better have written evidence of this) but that is left to individual. Most people don’t have patience or understanding of how courts work so only filing case is not enough.
Vivek- Many thanks for your great article on impotency.
Wife and MIL has threatened a Impotency case and left home
While I am preparing to fight my case and will take that route I do not have intentions of divorce / marrying again for same reason stated above
My question is can I adopt a child (boy and girl) and work on their upbringing myself while wife is working on filing cases?
What kind of consequences it might have?
I doubt that has any consequence on any case they may file… but on the other hand, for adoption process, they will definitely want to check your married status and if you say separated etc, it may be taken as a negative; because 2 parents are considered best for an adopted child, and in separated status, you neither have a wife (who is actually fighting you) to help with child, nor do you have legal freedom to marry again; so it is worse than being unmarried in my opinion.
As another point, for a single father to adopt is quite rare in India so far, and anecdotally I know it is discouraged.
Hi videv,
thanks for valuable article..the similar situation I am facing right now…since 5 months my wife is leaving separately and completely stopped communicating with me and my parents..after 3 years of marriage she and her parents have an allegation on me regarding impotency..Even in many occasions we had intercourse..my wife is saying that there was no penial intercourse..
could you give any good advise what on the matter…
Impotence is a very serious allegation if false… You can read my divorce book for more details on false allegations as mental cruelty. The only problem is people are unable to work through a proper case, manage lawyer, handle the court system, have patience; so we in general don’t advice husband to file divorce.
If there is public defamation, then it’s even more serious ground of mental cruelty.
Hello,
1)I Filed Divorce first On basis of Cruelty after 1 yr(she stayed with me only for 6 month)of marriage.
(She Defame me on social network stating that i am IMPOTENT also spread the same rumor in society )She did this because i came to know that she has boyfriend and she use to talk with him hours and hours..
2)After that She files DV on me main allegation was i am IMPOTENT .
3)NOW she files RCR i.e section 9 as respond to Divorce case ..
What should Be my next Step ?
You can read my book on divorce… in any case we are not here to advise how to get divorce… Because if we do, there may be a long queue of ‘victims’ ‘needing’ divorce from cruel wives then, and even if they may deserve relief; they won’t do anything for men’s rights but may do financial settlement on first opportunity to get their divorce. Which actually nourishes the divorce industry.
Hello,
Thaks for this article.You have mentioned about potency test in family court. Can you please tell what happens when impotency allegation is made in a DV case?
What may or may not happen varies from case to case… I have tried to outline things one should not do; like getting a potency certificate etc, that only shows one’s desperation and hurry, whereas the allegation is made more as a tactic to scare, intimidate, insult etc.
If one is actually impotent and wife’s allegation is correct, then it could be a different matter.
Actually husband has a strong case to file and get divorce based on mental cruelty for such an allegation, but how many have the patience or brains to stick to the straight path?
Sir,
Thanks for replying.
I was a member in MRI Whatsapp group. But I last my membership for advising one of fellow members to consult a good lawyer. My intension was to help him/others as much as possible and I did not had the intention of breaking any one of persons or policies. But the group’s admin took it in other way and suspended my membership.
If you can reinstate my membership, I will be greatful to you sir.
My WhatsApp number 9247827832.
With regards
Sai.
Group admin’s decision is respected. If you want to rejoin, you can follow the process once again.
Sir,
First of all, how do you write precisely, your writings make me surprise how do you know what we are feeling or what’s happening to us with that much accuracy. Hats off sir.
Sir, during the counselling at police station at I was forced to commit and undergo impotency test because of compromising and soft nature of my parents. Even though 30 days have been passed since the positive outcome of the test, they have not withdrawn the complaint and asking us to come for fulfilling their fresh set of unnatural demands like deserting my mother etc. My mother is saying “Sai, I am ready to go outside for your bright future”. Why my mother does not understand my wife’s/her parents crookedness. I am unable to draw support from my own family members; is it out of fear or concern about my future?
It is not necessary that parents may always be able to support, sometimes they can be source of confusion too. Your mother’s approach is an oftentime attitude taken by a parent that let me not be the cause of issue between my son and DIL. Even Somnath Bharti’s mother took same position recently on DV case filed against her son. It’s an emotional response, but not suitable for dealing with wives like yours.
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